Overcome
by KittenOfDoomage
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. S3, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Guidelines at end of fic. Warnings for discussions of and consequences of rape, but no graphic descriptions.
1. Chapter 1

Author: geeks_girl_tm  
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

*****

The worst thing about the sting of betrayal was usually the disappointment. There was always one person in your life you could trust completely. When that person let you down, sometimes it felt like the end of the world. And she definitely knew what the end of the world felt like.

Wasn't like she hadn't been _there_ before.

But Giles...

The pain was devastating. She was supposed to be enjoying these precious days- turning eighteen was not something that happened often. It only happened once. And she had wanted to share her acceptance of adulthood with her surrogate father. The man she trusted like only a child could trust a parent. She had wanted to go to the ice show, eat copious amounts of junk food, and watch Giles roll his eyes in boredom and amusement at her childish behaviour. Instead she was wandering the streets, her coat pulled tight around her to block out the cold, battling with the fact that her Watcher had just destroyed every ounce of trust in her. He drugged her and taken away her powers.

She was helpless. For the first time in her life, Buffy truly didn't want to be just Buffy. Having that power and losing it, made her feel weak and incompetent.

Feeling normal sucked.

The wind picked up as she took the familiar shortcut down an alleyway to Revello Drive. She was still twenty minutes from home, but she couldn't force her wind-chilled legs to walk any faster. And as she got halfway down the alley, she wished she could. Noises assaulted her from every direction. Cats meowed in the distance and bags rustled along the floor, causing her heart to quicken. The realisation of her powerlessness hit her with a full load of terror.

_Maybe I should have stayed at the school._

The knowledge of the things that lurked in the night was all too real now. As a slayer, she was accustomed to the fact that death did indeed lurk round every corner. But at least she had had a fighting chance. Now she didn't.

_Stop being a girl._

But she was. At that moment she was just a girl. An ordinary girl with no powers. She didn't even have mace on her. There wasn't usually a need.

_How the hell does Willow cope with this?_

A noise from behind her made her stop and turn. A crash of a trashcan falling over made her jump. Her eyes watered with unshed tears of worry. This was scary. She began to walk again, her eyes darting everywhere. She turned, walking backwards, the feeling of being watched disconcerting her. Kralik could still be out there. He could be following her. He knew she was helpless.

She came up against something solid, and she jumped, turning around. At first, her blurring vision screamed vampire, but she shook her head, clearing her vision. A man stood in front of her, looking at her with concern.

'Are you okay, Miss?'

His voice was rough, and she shivered, trying to get a better look at him. He was about the same height as Angel but nowhere near as nice to look at. He had scruffy hair, and a jean jacket on over a simple t-shirt and jeans. He reached out a hand to her, grubby fingers stretching towards her shoulder.

'Miss? Are you lost?'

She shook her head, stepping away from the offending hand. 'No...I'm just...I'm fine. Thank you. Bye.'

'Hey wait...' He said, cocking his head to the side. 'Do you want someone to walk you home?'

_Yeah, but not you. _'No I'm fine.'

She turned away and started to walk. Footsteps fell behind her and those grubby fingers clamped around her shoulder.

'You know, that was pretty rude.' She turned, backing away again. The concern was gone from his face, replaced with malice. He licked his lips, and swept his eyes over her. 'I was trying to be nice. But I get why you don't want any company. Business ay? Don't I look like business?'

'Sorry? What? I mean...I don't think..I'm not...' She stammered; her usual quips and retorts gone from her. He moved towards her and she looked for a way out.

'Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're a whore. Doesn't mean you can't have manners. Maybe I should show you some.'

She shook her head and found herself backed against a wall. He reached out and ran a hand down her face, licking his lips at the same time. 'Oh I bet you're a real goer as well.'

Fear gripped her insides and she pushed his hand away, throwing a punch against him. Her fist rebounded harmlessly off his chest and he laughed. She slapped him and he snarled at her.

'Feisty.' He grabbed her hands and pinned them against the wall, licking her jaw line, slobbering over her neck. He pushed his mouth against hers as she struggled to free herself, feeling her skin tear from her hands as she dragged them down the brick wall. He forced his tongue inside her mouth, an overabundance of saliva with it and she gagged, biting down. He yelped and pulled away, serving her with a vicious punch to the face.

Boy did it hurt. She never missed her strength more than now. Not when he was standing over her, a deep chuckle echoing into her bones.

She hadn't missed being the slayer before. But as he bore down on her, she wished more than anything that she was capable of it now.

*****

Spike walked along the street, hands thrust inside his pockets. The wind was chilly tonight but it didn't really affect his vampire countenance. If it did he wouldn't pay attention. His mind was going a mile a minute. Ever since coming back to Sunnyhell, he'd done nothing but think of the slayer. And it was driving him crazy.

His escapade to get Dru back had fallen short. She'd laughed in his face and told him outright, in a moment of rare clarity, that he was obviously in love with sunshine. That he should be dusted. A mockery of vampirism she'd called him. And with that he'd turned on his heel and headed for California, all in an effort to kill the Slayer and prove a point. He was a vampire. He was a ruthless vampire with an appetite for destruction. He craved the violence, the bloodshed and everything that came with being a vampire. It was his destiny, and a nature he could not and would not deny.

A rolling can distracted him from his thoughts and he kicked it brutally across the street, watching in satisfaction as it hit a curb and dented, haphazardly wobbling away down the gutter like a wounded puppy. The interlude to his thoughts was filled by noise from his surroundings, and his intense hearing picked up the faint sound of a woman's cry.

He stopped, sniffing the air in curiosity. The smell of arousal and fear was potent and his scarred brow lifted with a mild interest. Something was happening down one of Sunnydale's many alley ways. A human crime, something he had never really show any interest in. Whilst his hunger for chaos was insatiable, he had never really indulged in the pleasure Angelus had often talked about concerning the rape of innocents. Spike much preferred luring his target, seducing and satisfying them before taking their lives. Whilst some of his kind found fear made the blood much more potent (something he would not deny when it came to the ordinary kill), he had always found when it came to sex and business, the two mixed could produce some very interesting results, but not in violence. He still enjoyed the kill, but when you were trying to get something else out of it, forcing that on someone somehow dimmed the pleasure for him. Although Angelus had always insisted that most victims of rape were asking for it. But then back when Angelus was killing, most of the rapes were committed on prostitutes.

Boredom was the only thing that drove him to that alley. The scent of the man committing the crime, the feeble whimpers of the victim. A sharp cry split the air now and then. For some reason the fact that a mere human could commit such atrocities angered him. It made his blood boil that some humans claimed the title of evil when creatures like him were far beyond their capabilities.

Besides, he was hungry and playing the hero sometimes made him feel all manly.

The guy was dressed in casual clothes, and the girl beneath him, no more than a teenager, was dressed typically so. Her face was pressed to the wall, blood visible from wounds on her body. The scent only made him push further. He'd probably end up killing the girl as well, but then why would he care?

'It seems to me that you're a little desperate mate. Can't get a normal girlfriend?'

The guy stopped, pulling away from the girl and yanking his trousers up. His victim slumped against the wall and slide to the floor, exposed and crying for all she was worth.

'And it seems to me that you're interrupting something that isn't any of your damn business.' The guy grunted, dragging a small blade from his pocket. Spike looked at it and smiled, baring white teeth.

'Not very big is it?' He scoffed and the guy pointed it at him. 'Now now, do you really think that is going to hurt me?' He revealed his game face, and power surged through him as the rapist turned white with fear. He backed away, the knife thrust out in front of him further, waving it in panic.

'What are you?' He spat out, fear tainting every feature in his body. Spike was in front of him in a flash, yanking the knife from his grasp and closing his hand around the rapist-turned-victim's throat.

'I'm your worst nightmare.' He snarled, before sinking his fangs into the guy's jugular and drinking deep. Within minutes the body was drained and Spike let it drop to the floor without as much as a cursory glance. It hit the ground with a thud and the vampire turned his attention to the victim. Her coat was ripped, blood was running down her legs, and the ripped panties she had been wearing lay on the floor next to her. One of her shoes was missing, and other wounds covered her pale shivering skin. He bent down, gripping her shoulders and rolling her over.

He never expected the hazel eyes that he found staring back up at him.

*****

She couldn't take anymore. She was wishing for death. Her attacker had ripped her clothes, before ripping her of her dignity and faith in all humankind. Nothing was worse than this. She craved the death she had experienced not much over a year before.

She didn't think someone would save her. But she heard murmured words, the pain she was feeling fuzzing her senses, so she couldn't make out what they were. But she felt the weight leave her and she hit the floor, tears creeping into the concrete, mingling with her blood and complete loss of innocence. She didn't recognize the sensations she was feeling, but she wanted more than anything for the world to swallow her whole and take her pain away.

Silence consumed the walls around her and she wondered what happened. But she couldn't move. Couldn't speak. She was silently screaming into the pavement, but nothing came out.

The strong hands that gripped her shoulders were a surprise and a fright all in one. Was he resuming his assault? Was she about to die?

But as the hands rolled her over onto her back, her vision cleared and she suddenly saw the ocean. The bluest eyes she'd ever seen were gazing down on her.

Attached to her worst enemy.

'S...Sp....Spike?' She stuttered, his responding look one of shock.

'Buffy.' He whispered, reaching out to wipe blood from the corner of her mouth. She couldn't speak anymore as the tears came again, and her body shook with the force of her experience. Without saying a word, the blonde vampire bent down and scooped her up, cradling her to his chest. She felt him begin to move, his heavy footfalls shaking her in his arms. She didn't know where she was going. All she knew was that the one person she thought would be the first in line to kill her, had just rescued her. She didn't know what he had done to the bastard that had done this; she guessed he had probably killed him.

And the part of her that usually objected to the killing of humans....was rejoicing.

*****

When Buffy opened her eyes the second time she was in unfamiliar surroundings. The events of the night came rushing back at her and she winced at the pain racking her body as she tried to sit up. Her wounds had been treated and gauze covered the worst of it. She was wrapped in a cheap motel bathrobe, her clothes nowhere to be seen. Steam floated through the room and the sound of running water assaulted her senses.

Spike.

Spike had brought her here.

Spike had saved her.

He obviously brought her here and dressed her wounds. And now he was in the bathroom, running a bath. It was oddly comforting.

And altogether terrifying.

She tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed, but pain ripped through her insides and she whimpered. The sound brought the bathroom door crashing open and Spike rushed into the room, unfamiliar concern colouring his gaze. 'Are you okay?' He asked, quickly, checking her over. Blood had once again trickled down the inside of her leg and she nodded, biting at her lip to stave off the temptation of tears. He bent down beside her, grabbing a discarded cloth from the bedside table. He wiped the blood from her thigh, and she wondering briefly how much he was reigning his demon in to do this.

'Spike...' She whispered; her voice hoarse from crying. 'Why...why are you doing this?'

'Don't rightly know, pet.' He said through clenched teeth. 'Just...didn't know what else to do. Got everything muddled up in here. I knew I should have run the bath first. Then cleaned the wounds. Gonna have to do it again now.'

'You're helping me.'

'I can leave if you want.'

She shook her head. 'No...it's okay...I just...it's a bit wiggy to me.'

Spike sighed. 'I guess...can't have you like this can I? Not when I'm the one who supposed to off you and all. Can't have you being done in by some sod of a human.'

'Right.' He couldn't help but wince at the acceptance of her tone. He was justifying himself. He didn't feel any urge to kill her. He felt the urge to heal her and it was making him feel all kinds of sick. Maybe Dru was right; he had gone soft.

'You up to this bath?'

She nodded, but as he went to pick her up, she placed her hand on his. He looked at the contact of her flesh on his and then to her – she was shaking like a leaf. 'Would you...can you stay out here?'

'Course pet. I know you prolly don't want me seeing your dainties.' She nodded, but the gaze on her face was far away from this room. The slayer he had fought before was not in this room. The figure before him was a broken shell, just a girl who'd been wounded by the very race she was sworn to protect. This was not how a magnificent creature like Buffy should have ended up. He sighed.

'Look, I'll help you in there, then I'll stay in here. Want me to get some grub in for you?' His tone was gentle, much like the tone he'd used with Drusilla all the time she was ill. Good thing he'd had practice at all this.

She nodded in response to his question, but he didn't feel she could really hear him. He picked her up and carried her to the bathroom, placing her on unsteady feet. 'You sure you're gonna be okay?' He asked.

'Yeah.' She paused. 'Thank you, Spike.'

He bobbed his head and ducked out of the door, shutting it behind him. He leant against the solid wood, listening to the sounds of his slayer getting in the bath, her soft whimpers reaching his ears and making him grit his teeth. _His slayer. _Since when was she _his _slayer_. _He always thought of her as his to kill, but_ his _slayer? Something was dreadfully wrong with this scenario.

He moved to the bed, sitting down and cradling his head in his hands. He wasn't sure how long he sat like that, but he remembered after what seemed like hours that he had said he'd get her food. Luckily, the motel he'd picked came with Chinese menus next to the phones. He picked one up, realising that he didn't actually know what the slayer liked. Better to get a few things than get it wrong.

_Since when did you care?_

His mental voice was pissing him off now. He dialled the number, focusing on the foreign voice that echoed down the phone rather than the conflicting thoughts running through his cranium. He picked a few things of the menu and rattled them off in a clipped tone, giving the motel and room number and slamming the phone down. He could hear the Slayer sobbing gently, sounds of splashing water accompanying it, and he fought the urge to run to her and comfort her. His demon was raging at the situation, the lingering smell of her blood telling him to make the kill, to claim her as his. But he knew he couldn't. This wasn't right, this was completely and utterly, off the scale, wrong.

Habit took over and he began to pace, muttering to himself, losing himself in arguing with his own demonic nature as to the situation he was now in.

'Should kill her, get it over with. Angelus would of. Am I not demon enough? Course I'm fucking demon enough, more than demon, s'why I want her up to the challenge. Wanna kill her like she should be killed. Course he always said this would be good. He was always fucking banging on about it. On and on. They ask for it. They deserve it. Don't believe in rape. S'never rape cos they're asking for it.'

A whimper tore through his thoughts and he paused in his pacing and looked towards the bathroom. Buffy was lent against the doorjamb, wrapped in an overly large towel, tears filling up her eyes as she looked at him.

'You think…you think I asked for? That I deserve it?' She stared at him, her bottom lip trembling with unshed anguish and something inside him fell apart. He rushed to her as she sagged against the door, floodgates opening and tears falling freely. He held her up and whispered to her.

'No…pet…god, no. You didn't deserve this. Not you, you're so strong, a warrior, you didn't deserve this at all.' He led her to the bed, sighing heavily as he sat her down and took a seat next to her. 'Was just…I never encountered it much before. All Angelus could talk about some days. He revelled in shit like that. But me…I never would….I would never…s'not right's what it is.' She continued to sob. He was at a loss as to what to do, and knew that someone looking at this scene, knowing what they were…it was bloody weird.

The sobs abated at last and she shuffled away from him, probably all too aware of the strange situation. She looked at him side on and sniffed again. 'You said…Angel…Angelus…he did things like this?'

Spike frowned. 'He was a mean bastard, Buffy…not what your Angel is.' He looked back down and Buffy cleared her throat gently, making it clear she wasn't finished talking.

'Did he…last year…did he…' The question was implied if not voiced. She wanted to know if the monster she had unwittingly unleashed had committed rape during his minor free period. Spike didn't know how to answer – he genuinely didn't know. Angelus had been too busy rubbing in his trysts with Dru to admonish on his evil escapades otherwise.

'I don't know pet.'

Buffy fell silent and Spike stared at a very interesting spot on the floor. He didn't know what to do or say. Buffy wasn't sick, she was hurting but she wasn't sick and Spike wasn't used to caring for fragile human teenagers. She sniffled quietly next to him and he couldn't have been more grateful for the knock on the door, announcing the arrival of the food. He dug some money out of his pocket, knowing he couldn't very well off the guy if Buffy was there. But god he was hungry. As he handed the money to the guy and took the food, he willed his demon silent, ignoring the still heady scent of her blood all over the room. He watched her from across the bed as she picked at the food, nibbling here and there. He grabbed a bag of ribs for himself and hoped any lingering nourishment in them would keep him going until he could feed.

She pushed the still mostly full trays away eventually, and looked up towards the wall, finding a spot to stare at. Spike settled in his chair and watched her. She looked down at her cut and bloodied hands and he stood, grabbing a medical kit from the side and sitting in front of her, taking her hands and beginning to clean them methodically, applying new dressings in silence. It was her who broke it.

'I don't think I can do it now.'

'Do what pet?' He asked, not taking his concentration off the task at hand.

'Save them. Protect them. If people can do this, how are they worthy of what I do? There's evil inside everyone, and I don't think I can fight it all.'

'I don't understand pet. It was one guy. One guy's actions can't sum up the whole human race.' He said, stunned by his own words, softly spoken and delivered as if to a frightened child.

Which, at this moment, was exactly what she was.

'It's not just him. Giles…he took my powers away. The Council made him. Made him take everything away from me and I couldn't…couldn't fight…couldn't stop him…' Her voice dissolved into tears again and Spike, once again against his nature, pulled her to him and held her, letting her let it all out on him.

But that explained it. The Cruciamentum. Meant it was her eighteenth birthday soon. He'd never understood that. In his eyes, it was a culling ritual. An unfair one at that. But he'd be having words with the Watcher if…wait, what? Why the fuck did he care??? Here he was, cradling the Slayer, when he should be ripping her throat out and drinking deep of her rich, sorrow-filled blood. What in the hell has possessed him to pick her up from that alley and become her saviour?

He had no answer for himself. He'd always respected the Slayer – they were worthy opponent. But caring for one was out of the question. Thinking anything beyond the fight and the final gasp of breath was wrong. His demon should be screaming…wait, why wasn't his demon demanding it? Usually anything against his nature would have the beast inside screeching for blood. Sitting here, holding the Slayer, letting her sob into his shirt; and his demon was purring in contentment.

_You've gone as loopy as Dru._

"_You taste like ashes"_

He shut his eyes, squeezing out his own unpleasant memories. This was nothing. He'd make sure she was okay and once she made a full recovery, he'd challenge her and kill her, fair and square. Good plan.

All he had to do now was follow it through.

Buffy's breathing became deep and she relaxed in his arms. He frowned and looked down, listening to her pulse steady into a rhythmic drumming against his skin. She had fallen asleep on him. Her little fists were clutched into his shirt, and she was almost drooling on him. The Slayer had bloody well fallen asleep on him. He looked up at the ceiling, cursing whoever was listening for their skewed sense of humour. Then he shifted her so she was lying down across the duvet, and went to pull away. But her deceptively strong hands were not letting go. His shirt threatened to rip and he frowned as she tugged him closer to her. The bleached blonde rolled his eyes and crawled onto the bed next to her. He shifted so she was laying with her head on his chest and pulled the duvet out from underneath them both as to wrap them both in it.

And there, holding the Slayer against him, his skin warming from her borrowed heat, William the Bloody fell asleep.

*****

The sun was filtering in through the blinds when Spike woke up. He had only been out a couple of hours and his internal body clock was telling him it was gone midday. The duvet was still wrapped around him, but the other occupant of the bed was gone, leaving him feeling slightly bereft of company. He sat up and frowned, wondering if the night before had all been some horrible horrible dream about him going soft and comforting the slayer instead of killing her and bathing in her blood.

The note on the bedside table dashed all his hopes of that. Scrawled in her hand writing, it simply said "please stay". And he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He frowned again, and rolled out of the bed, noticing that the Chinese from the night before had been cleared away. She'd gone off somewhere, but where. He couldn't leave, that much was a given, but he wanted to know where she was and why she had left.

And then he asked himself why he cared again. He was really losing the plot, going completely round the bend and then some. And he desperately needed a cigarette.

He located them as a quick as he could and plucked one from the rather squished packet, putting it between his lips and lighting it. As he flicked the light shut, the door opened and Buffy limped in, a paper grocery bag in her hands. She smiled at him, which was the first thing that threw him, then pulled a container out of the bag and handed it to him. It was blood, most likely animal, but he was so hungry he couldn't care less. That was the second thing that threw him. When she sat down on the bed beside him, his head nearly exploded.

'You came back.' He said, slightly bewildered, staring at the jar of blood in his hands.

Buffy nodded. 'You stayed.' She whispered. Then she giggled. 'You have sleep hair.' She reached up and tousled his curls. He decided not to rip her throat out for it. He put the blood down on the side and turned to face her.

'Where did you go?' He asked, looking at her pale face, her eyes still slightly puffy from crying the night before.

'I went home to grab a few bits. Mom's gone out of town for a few days, so I figure it's safe to go home now.' She wrung her hands. 'Would you…would you come with me?'

Spike stopped, frozen at the question. He didn't know what to say, or how to break this truce that was holding them together, the unspoken experience they had shared. He was terrified of the path this was going down, of the deep seated affection he had for this girl that had to be quashed. William was a romantic fool and Spike hated every part of him that lurked beneath the demon that he couldn't kill. He would never be free of the ponce, no matter how carnal he became.

'Spike?' Buffy's voice came through the haze and he blinked.

'Yeah, pet. I'll come with you. Just for tonight mind. Then it's back to…'

'Fight to the death, yeah I get it.' She waved him off and he reeled back as if slapped. She didn't notice and stood, walking towards the bathroom. Spike held his head in his hands and despaired.

He was truly damned.

*****

They hadn't said much to each other since leaving the motel. He had not had anything to say, his insides still churning, his mind spinning with a thousand questions. She had been quiet for understandable reasons. Several times, when another man had gone to walk past them, Buffy had moved closer to him and clung to his arm, her whole body shaking. He felt sorry for her, truly he did; the slayer, reduced to fear of mortal men. He didn't see how the Powers could ever allow something like this to happen.

It didn't take long to reach Revello. She seemed relieved to walk through the door, even with him in tow. It was only once they were in the kitchen and he was making some tea, that he dared start a conversation.

'Have you spoken to your mates?'

Buffy looked at the phone and then him. 'They left messages, since I didn't go to school. But no. I didn't ring them back. I…I don't know how to face them.'

'They'll understand. They'll know how to help you better than I can.'

'I like you helping. I know it's weird…Spike…but I feel safe right now.'

'Its not right pet.' He sighed, stirring sugar into the two cups.

'I know. I so totally know. But you…you've always been honest. You want me dead. Right now…I need an honest someone. I need the harsh and brutal truth. I don't need mollycoddling or Angel…' Spike stiffened and she noticed. 'Angel judging me.' She sighed. 'I want to not be the Slayer for a while. I want to ignore the fact that Giles betrayed me, almost got me killed. I want to ignore the past deeds of everyone and be Buffy for one night. To live in a reality where I don't have to deal with everything at once, all at once.'

Spike watched her face during her little outburst, watching how hard she held the tears back, before the floodgates could take no more and she started to sob uncontrollably. Spike moved forward on instinct, taking her into his arms and holding her tight. The sobbing did not last long, but it wrenched his cold dead heart all the same. He didn't know before, but he knew now; he understood why it all got too much for Slayers.

He finally knew why they had death wishes in the end.

Buffy pulled away from him and sniffed, looking down at her clothes. 'I'm gonna….gonna go take a shower. Will you…' The words hung between them, unspoken but clear as night.

'I won't leave pet.' He watched her walk away, eyeing her rear and then cursing himself for his weakness. He turned and looked out of the window, sighed heavily to himself. His demon still didn't stir, feeling more content still, her scent surrounding him. But oh god, it was wrong. It was wrong and against everything that made him who he was. He loved Dru…god how he loved her. What he wouldn't give to see her dancing naked in the moonlight, pale light reflecting off paler skin. Her golden curls flowing free…no wait…that was wrong. Black tresses, Dru had black hair. Beautiful black hair. He shook his head, trying to believe for just an instant that she was there, that he could feel her.

Wait a minute. He could feel a presence. A familiar one. More than that.

Family.

Angelus.

Buffy.

Spike sped up the stairs, just in time for Buffy to back away from Angelus, sat at the window. The older vampire looked confused as to why Buffy was backing away.

'Buffy?' Spike asked, tentatively, secretly relishing the look of anger on Angelus' face as his girl went running to the peroxide blonde instead of his big brooding self. 'You okay, kitten?'

Angel frowned. 'Buffy, what is going on?'

'Spike…I can't…I can't deal with him right now…not after everything…I can't…I just can't.' She trailed off and began to cry again.

'Sshh, pet, ssh.' Spike looked up at Angel, his face solemn. 'Go sort your shower out. I'm just gonna see him along okay?' Buffy nodded into his chest and bolted from the room without looking back. Spike hesitantly took a step towards the window. Angel snarled.

'What in the hell…'

Spike held a hand up. 'Something has happened. Go wait by the back door. I'll be out in a second.'

'Like hell am I leaving you alone with her…'

'Look you sodding ponce, I'm being fucking serious here. Now you can either jump t conclusions or get your pansy arse round the back and wait.' Angel looked taken aback at the venom in Spike's voice. His demon protested the order but obeyed none the less, retreating from the window. Spike stood, face on the verge of vamping out, his demon roaring in his chest, demanding the life of the other vampire. He calmed himself, turned around and headed to the bathroom. He knocked on the door, calling out to Buffy. She responded in kind, her voice dull under the shower. He turned, satisfied she was okay for the time being and headed down the stairs.

Predictably, Angel was glowering on the back door step, his face half hidden in shadow. Every inch of him screamed attack as Spike stepped out, closing the door behind him and lighting up a cigarette. Angel was about ready to pounce when Spike spoke. 'I found her last night. In an alley. Did you know the watcher had taken her powers away? That it was the Cruciamentum?'

Angel had the decency to look shocked. 'Giles…I didn't think…what happened to her?'

'A human.' Spike spat. 'A human grabbed her, and had his way, that's what happened.' The venom in his voice was palpable. Angel scowled. 'And before you ask…I ripped the fucker's throat out. Drained him dry.'

'I still don't…'

'I'm not you. I never went for that sort of thing and I could never stand those that did. So I picked her up and took her some place safe. Thing is…she says she wants me to stay. She says she feels safe. And I…' He threw the cigarette on the ground, frustration seeping from every poor. 'I dunno what the fuck I'm doing here. I dunno why I took her. I dunno why I'm not leaving her. All I know is, she looks at me and she's so…broken.'

Angel saw it then. The anguish on Spike's face and the truly torn expression in his eyes. The younger vampire was in deep waters. But Buffy wanted him. Buffy was scared of Angel, and Buffy wanted Spike. Because some bastard human had violated her. After one she trusted had taken away that which she relied on.

The elder sighed and pinched his brow, looking at the younger with a sorrowful expression. 'Stay with her. Take care of her. I'll let the others…'

'No!' Spike said. 'It's not our place to tell. It's hers…it's…I'm gonna kill the watcher.' Spike said, snarling. Angel grabbed him.

'No, like you said, it's her issue. We can just stay here and look out for her.'

'You can't. She's terrified of you.' Spike sighed.

'Then I'll come back tomorrow night to check on her. But in the meantime…Spike, if you lay one finger on her….' The threat hung and Spike laughed.

'I'm not you.' He repeated. 'I stick to my word. I just want her better so I can fight the real slayer. Not the shell that is in there right now.'

_Not the shell. The Slayer. His Slayer. In all her glory._

He would have her.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

Author: geeks_girl_tm  
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

*****

He was sleeping and she had left him to well needed rest. She was grateful; no doubt about it, but it was strange and foreign for her worst enemy to helping her, when the thought of facing her friends terrified her beyond belief. She did not know what they would think of her, whether they would be ashamed of her, disgusted with her or simply hate her for her weakness. Giles would no doubt criticise her. It had been nearly two days since she had spoken to anyone other than Spike and the confrontation with Angel had left her with nightmares of his previous actions. Numerous times during the night, Spike had held her as she had awoken screaming with visions of blood and mortifying actions of her lover's past.

She wandered around the house, as if it was all new to her, through innocence shattered eyes. She had bathed again, trying to rub the sin off of her skin, but even now, with red raw patches on her flesh, she didn't feel clean. She looked out of the kitchen window, watching the sun rise over the trees, and tears fell silently down her cheeks. After a few moments, she shut the blinds, drowning the room in darkness. A noise from behind her alerted her to someone in the kitchen and she grabbed a knife from the block and spun round, ready to protect herself. Spike stood before her, a sad look on his face. She dropped the knife and slumped against the kitchen unit, tears still wetting her face, unrelenting in the wake of her weakness.

'It's alright to be afraid, you know.' His soft baritone came through the haze of shame as he picked the knife up from the floor and put it in the sink, his cold arms encircling her. She grabbed onto his t-shirt and hid her face in the soft fabric, inhaling whiskey and cigarettes. He rubbed her arm, shushing her gently. 'You don't have to be the Slayer right now, Buffy.'

His words comforted her, made her burden lift slightly and she sighed, the tears finally stopping. She pulled away from his chest, but not his embrace and smiled gently, as if it hurt. Hazel eyes met azure and she nodded. 'I know. Thank you Spike. I know this is weird but…'

'It doesn't matter right now. This should never have happened and I wish I'd found you sooner.' He looked down almost shyly and rubbed a thumb over her cheek, brushing away lingering tear drops. 'Course, soon you'll right as rain and we can get back to that fight to the death and all.' He sounded less convinced than before and she nodded, smiling more.

'Of course. Fight to the death. Looking forward to it.'

He sighed and stretched his shoulders, looking around to avoid eye contact. 'Fancy some breakfast?' He moved away, looking through the cupboards and fridge, locating everything he needed to do a full English. Buffy watched, unable to protest, enjoying having someone to look after her for a change. Even if he was blonde, evil and occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. She watched in interest as he moved around the kitchen, skilled hands moving faster than a normal human's would have, turning knobs and flipping pans about as he organised her breakfast. After about twenty minutes, the sink was full of washing up and Spike was turning the water on to soak them as he placed two plates full of food on the table. He gestured for her to sit down and she did, her eyes never leaving him as she took her seat at the island. He turned the water off, passed her a knife and fork, and then sat opposite her.

Buffy smiled as she began to munch on a crispy piece of bacon, made to perfection. He smiled back, a genuine smile that she had not seen before and lit up his features beautifully. Suddenly his face fell and he stood again. 'I didn't make you any toast.' He went for the bread bin but Buffy stopped him.

'No, Spike, really. This is way more than enough.' He nodded, his shoulders falling slightly and he returned to his seat. Determined not to be left in an awkward silence, Buffy spoke up in between mouthfuls of delicious food. 'So, you can cook?'

Spike shrugged. 'Yeah, I guess. I like to experiment. Unfortunately not very often, living in crypts and factories doesn't exactly provide the makings for culinary genius. But I used to…' He stopped abruptly, sighing. 'Never mind.'

Sensing it was something he didn't want to share, Buffy changed the subject. 'I was wondering…I feel a bit stronger today. Would you, I mean, you don't have to but, would you, spar with me?' She asked gingerly, not wanting to force his help any more than she had already.

He brightened again, nodding enthusiastically as he swallowed some egg and bacon. 'Sure thing, pet. If it helps that is. Maybe you'd be feeling up to a quick patrol this evening?'

Without wondering why he wanted to patrol with her, she shuddered. 'I don't know…not sure I can…I mean…with everything…' She didn't have to say anything else. Doubts were clouding her mind and Spike could read her like a book. Why should she protect people who hurt each other so readily?

'S'okay pet. I understand. Sparring it is. Is there room in that basement downstairs for it?'

She nodded, the doubts leaving her briefly but stored in the back of her mind to resurface later. 'Yeah, it's pretty big.' He nodded in response and finished the last of his breakfast off, picking the plate up and dumping it in the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. Buffy pushed her plate away, having eaten nearly half of the food. Spike eyed her dubiously but decided not to nag her, seeing as she didn't need it and he had given her a lot of food. She seemed to pick up on his train of thought and smiled reassuringly.

'I never eat that much anyway. I'm full, honest. That was lovely.' He smiled and took her plate, scraping the leftovers into the bin and beginning to scrub the plates.

Buffy was mesmerised again, the weirdness of the scene not quite sinking in. Spike was stood in her kitchen, at her sink, doing the washing up, water splashing up onto his black t-shirt which was clinging to his body in some very attractive places…and that was not the direction her mind was taking. As nice as he had been, as much as he was helping her, they were still mortal enemies and after this, he was going to try and kill her again. And she would have to kill him first.

Her stomach clenched violently and she squeezed her eyes shut. She stood, smoothing the front of her pyjamas down and cleared her throat. Spike stopped scrubbing the pans and turned to her, his eyebrows raised. 'I'm going to go and shower…and change into something more comfortable for a workout.' She turned and walked from the room, not acknowledging the frown on Spike's face. He knew she had already showered and had spotted several red raw marks on her skin. He hoped she was not doing anything to harm herself, and turned back to the dishes, his heightened senses on alert for any change.

He had finished the washing up and was flicking through the television channels when he caught the first scent. Slayer blood, pungent and mouth watering, floated down the stairs and caused his demon to explode from his human features, demanding he seek the source of nourishment. But his first immediate concern was for Buffy herself, appetite be damned. He took the stairs two at a time and paused outside the bathroom door to hear her sobbing, before he opened it, glad the door was unlocked so he didn't have to kick it down.

She was sat in the bathtub, the water from the shower cascading over her skin, which she had scrubbed so hard, blood was welling up from the skin in several places. A bloody scouring pad sat on the edge of the bath, dripping pink water onto the tiles. She didn't look at him and didn't attempt to cover her nakedness. Spike looked at her, pain swelling inside him for some unknown reason as he took in her state. Patches on her arms, her legs, her sex were bleeding; not profusely but enough to have his demon clamouring for a taste. He leaned over her, turning the shower off, and picking up the fluffy white towel that sat neatly folded on the nearby cupboard. He wrapped her in it, wincing at the stains that spread through the fabric from her wounds. She continued to sob into his shoulder, not even caring that her mortal enemy had her nearly naked against his body.

Spike carried her from the bathroom, and into her bedroom, laying her gently on the bed. She continued to sob, hiding her face in her pillows, ignoring him as he left the room. He returned seconds later with a first aid kit and set about cleaning the patches of bleeding skin on her small frame. His enhanced senses were screaming at her delicious scent, urging him to take her life as his own. He pushed the screaming of the beast inside away and gritted his teeth as he focused on the fragile and broken girl beneath his attentive hands. It didn't take long to clean her wounds and there was no sense bandaging them as they would heal quickly on their own. But her emotional scars were worse. The sobbing had deceased and she was simply laying there, limp as a rag doll, her face hidden from him in the fabric of her cotton bed linen.

'Buffy…' He whispered, holding her hand and rubbing it with his long fingers. He stroked intricate patterns on her skin and she slowly rolled her head so she was looking at him with tear filled eyes. A soft moan escaped her as he continued his patterns up her arms, not feeling the pain on her red raw skin even as his smooth touch danced over it. He smiled and nudged her, indicating that she should roll over onto her stomach. She complied without thinking, tensing slightly as he pulled the towel down to expose the smooth expanse of her tanned back. She hadn't been able to reach to scrub the skin off there and her skin remained untouched. She continued to tense her muscles against him and it wounded him slightly to think she didn't trust him.

_You're an evil vampire that is still threatening to kill her when this is all over. How are you upset that she doesn't trust you?_

He shook the thought away. 'Relax pet. I'm just going to help you chill out. I promise in a few seconds, there won't be anything on your mind but what I'm doing.' He knew how that sounded but hoped she didn't take it the wrong way. She didn't move and her muscles began to loosen. He flexed his fingers and lay beside her, on his side, with her facing him. Her hazel eyes looked at him questioningly as he reached across her, running one finger down her spine gently, the pad of his fingertip stimulating the nerves. He began to spread across her back, drawing patterns, nonsensical doodles on her skin that she felt were burned there forever.

After a few moments of his attention, her heart beat began to slow, her eyes began to droop. He slowed his attentions to her back, but she opened her eyes again, whispering dreamily. 'Please don't stop…' He smiled, chuckling softly, making his whole body vibrate. She smiled a lazy smile and shut her eyes once more, surrendering to the peaceful ministrations from her mortal enemy.

It wasn't long before she was asleep and Spike ceased what he was doing. He carefully removed the towel, knowing she would catch cold if left to sleep in the damp cloth. Instead, without looking at her, he pulled each edge of her duvet over her sleeping frame and tucked her in. He left the room, pausing to look back at the young Slayer, marvelling at the strength he could feel rebuilding in her, even as she slept. He just hoped her dreams were peaceful.

*****

His dreams were not. Drusilla was laughing at him, telling him this was exactly why she was finding her pleasures with more vicious creatures. He was screaming that he was still vicious, still a monster, still evil, but she was laughing, shaking her head and dancing in circles around him. He continued to scream his reasons, his undying love for her, when she suddenly stopped, placing her hands on his face.

_You are still vicious my sweet, still my prince. A part of you will always love me. But she is everything, you sunshine, your reason to be now._

He snarled at her words. _I'll kill her for you, princess._

Drusilla smiled sadly, appearing more sane than she ever had before. _No, my sweet dark William. You'll kill me for her…_

Spike bolted upright, snarling and striking out, his vampire face to the fore. He realised where he was, in the living room of the Summers' home, the television having gone into standby. The sun was setting outside and he was angry. Angry for being weak, angry for not taking the situation like a normal vampire. The girl should be dead. Not sleeping soundly with a killer in her home. Not…

Curled up beside him, wrapped in a duvet.

He blinked. He hadn't noticed her before and his outburst hadn't woken her. She was curled into a tight ball, one hand draped across his stomach, sleeping soundly. And quite obviously naked under the cover. He gulped, suddenly feeling the urge to kill something. Arousal flooded his system and he realised in horror that Buffy's hand was centimetres from his raging cock. He gently lifted her arm up and moved it so she was on the sofa alone. Then he bolted from the room and headed for the back door. It took too long to light up a cigarette, and it seemed too long since he had inhaled any soothing nicotine.

'You know, I can understand it now.' Spike said to the shadows, and wasn't surprised when Angel appeared.

'Understand what?'

'How you fell in love with her.' He said hoarsely. Angel grimaced.

'You're not…' Spike snorted in disgust. Angel understood. 'Good. How is she?'

'She's…better than she was. I got her to eat. And she's been asleep for a while now.'

'I could smell her blood.'

'It was nothing that won't heal in hours. And I don't believe she intended to do it.' Spike dropped the cigarette, smudging it out with his boot. 'I don't know if she is ready to see you. She was having nightmares about you….your alter ego.' Angel stiffened.

'Are you trying to make me feel worse?' He asked. Spike smirked.

'That's just a bonus.' He turned. 'I can ask her if you want. She's sleeping right now but…'

'No…just tell her we're worried. The others want to know what happened. Giles says he may come over. I haven't told them you are here.' Spike snarled.

'If the Watcher turns up here, me and him WILL be having words.' He turned back to his sire, eyeing him through narrow slits. 'This is his fault.' Angel nodded.

'But like you said before, it isn't our place to exact revenge on her behalf. Buffy will deal with it in her own way.' He stared Spike out and then sighed. 'I needn't remind you…'

'Lay a hand on her and I'm dead.' Spike waved a hand dismissively. 'I got it.'

'I have no reason to trust you, William. I hope your own sense of self-preservation will keep her safe.' Angel let his own game face slip through and let it stand as a warning to the younger.

Spike ignored him and walked back into the house, noting almost immediately the increased heart beat of the Slayer, who was awake and standing in the kitchen, watching Angel leave through the window.

'He was checking on you. I told him you weren't ready to see him.'

'You didn't have to tell him about the nightmares. That was mean.' She whispered. But a ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

'I know. But I'm evil and all that rot. Have to get my jollies somewhere.' He came up behind her, checking her previous injuries. She was still only covered in the duvet and she turned as he ran his fingers up her arms, his blue eyes seeking out any fresh cuts or bruises. 'You strength is coming back.'

'I know, I feel it more.' She sighed and turned to him. 'But I don't feel right.' Hazel eyes met his blue ones and looked at him imploringly. 'I feel like something is missing. I don't feel like Buffy.' She reached up one hand and touched his face. 'Could you….could you make me…feel like Buffy again?' She dropped the duvet covering her nudity and he stepped back, trying and failing to avert his eyes from her beautiful figure, almost glowing from a Californian tan. The fading marks of the previous days on her body did not make her any less beautiful and a lesser man would have taken her then and there.

She moved towards him, pressing herself against him and whispering in his ear. 'Please make me feel…Spike, please…' He gulped audibly and shook his head. She wilted and he caught her as her bravado vanished and the frightened little girl appeared once more. He reached for the duvet, covering her in it and holding her close. 'I'm disgusting…' She whimpered and he held her tighter.

'God, Buffy, love, you're not, you're really not. But I couldn't take advantage of you like that. You don't to do that to feel. You will be fine, you'll heal, baby. Ole Spike's here for you, no one else. Just you.' He continued to whisper reassuring words into her ear, rocking her back and forth, holding her to him as she sobbed more despair into his shirt. Before long, he knew she would be getting uncomfortable and he gathered her up, taking her to her room and laying her on the bed. Reminiscent of the morning passed, she stared at him, hoping for a crumb to make her feel something like the girl she had been before. 'Do you want me to stay?' She nodded and pulled him onto the bed, holding him through the cover.

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a slut…'

He stopped her short. 'It's okay pet. You're all over the place…I don't blame you. But warn a guy next time yeah?' He smiled. 'If it'd been anyone else, they may not have been able to resist someone as beautiful as you.'

'You think…you think that I'm beautiful. Even after…' She stared at him, wide hazel eyes filled with awe and terror. Spike smiled gently, and rubbed his thumb over her cheek.

'After, before…you're an amazing goddess Buffy. A girl worthy of queenship.' He chuckled, and rested his chin on her head. 'If I hadn't promised to kill you, if we weren't mortal enemies, I would gladly spend the rest of my days making you all kinds of happy.' _Riiiiggghht and you're only saying this to cheer her up huh?_ His demon scolded him, but at the same time was revelling in the warmth of a human body so close.

Silence met his declaration and he hoped that the madness would be over soon. This madness that he was descending into, the insanity of feeling _anything_ for a Slayer.

A delicious spiral into his own self-destruction.

*****

In her dream they were dancing an elaborate tango across a hall strewn with blood. It would have been disturbing, if her eyes were not locked with his fathomless blue depths, his protection coursing through her veins like well versed poetry. She could feel the other vampires watching, but did not care for the feeling of safety, even amongst those she was destined to kill. She was safe because she knew this, she knew the territory, that they were hers to kill. They bit and tore at flesh, killed those they fed from and she knew where she stood.

Except with him. He was enigma, mystery and intrigue wrapped up in one confusing package of a master vampire caring for her, nuzzling at her throat but not biting. His demon buried beneath a man so caring, so…vicious in his passion. She knew he would tear through any that dared hurt her and would hold her from pain and eventually death.

The hands that were grabbing at her were not his, and she felt herself being pulled from his grasp, into the arms of human men who were ripping at her clothes, trying to violate her. And in that second, a monster rescued her, destroying the fragile human hands that longed to fragment her innocence, and her mind.

She looked up at him, her blue eyed vampire, covered in blood and snarling like a true beast of hell.

And in that moment, she loved them both.

*****

He awoke when the door of a car slammed, and the footsteps on the porch had him moving swiftly out of her embrace and down the stairs. She did not stir in her sleep, only rolled over, searching for the pretend warmth he had provided throughout her slumber. Spike didn't look back, knowing she would be safe from anything that stepped into her sanctuary.

When he got to the lounge, Giles, Xander and Willow stood there, looking at him through shocked and terrified eyes. The Watcher instinctively went for a weapon but Spike was quicker and he stood in front of all three, raising his hands.

'It's not what you think.' He warned, eyes flashing amber for a second.

'You broke in to kill her as she slept. Angel said she was unwell, how did you come to know of this?' Giles stated, his hands going to his coat pocket where he always carried holy water. The two teenagers stood frozen in fear, knowing what the vampire was capable of.

'No, I'm the one who rescued her. After _you_ drugged her and took away her powers.' Spike spat back, snarling at the watcher. Giles spluttered, as two surprised stares turned his way. Willow shook her head.

'Giles would never…'

'Giles did…'A voice came quietly from the stairs. She stood three steps up, a bathrobe wrapped around her, and tears shining unshed in her eyes. Spike moved towards her but stopped as she shook her head slightly at him. She needed to confront this on her own. He understood that. She didn't make a move down the stairs but stood stock still, her knuckles white where she gripped the banister. Xander moved forward and she flinched. Anger swelled inside Spike and he placed a hand on the whelp's chest.

Xander pushed him off, moving further forward. Buffy instantly moved up a step, away from him. The boy looked hurt. 'Buffy…what's going on?' he asked softly, stopping where he was.

'Giles took away my strength. My power was gone. It's coming back now, but…I was attacked and Spike saved me.' She whispered the last part, not so much because she was ashamed but more because she could still not absorb what he had done for her, the way he had cared for her like no other had since she had been called. Giles stepped forward and Buffy squeezed her eyes shut briefly.

'Buffy I'm so…'

'Save it, Giles. I can't forgive you right now. What you did…was awful. Things happened that…I was helpless and you…you did that to me.'

Willow turned to Giles. 'But why?'

'It was a test.' The watcher sighed. 'A slayer must undergo a test without her strength when she turns eighteen. Buffy was supposed to fight a vampire at the old boarding house but…she never turned up. I only knew she was okay when Angel rang and told me. The test was postponed.' He winced as Spike vamped out.

'The test is fucking cancelled, Giles.' Buffy said before Spike could attack him. 'I'm not jumping through hoops anymore. Tell the Council to go fuck themselves. They have another slayer to toy with.' She shook away the tears.

'Buffy, let us take care of you. You don't need…' Willow started.

'Do not start to tell me what I do and do not need, Will. Spike saved me from a _human_. A freaking human.' She looked at Xander. 'I can't be around you or Giles. I would prefer it if you left. Spike has been taking care of me and I need him right now. I can't explain it or make it right in anyway but…we're friends. He's saved me more times in the last few days than any one has before.'

'That's not true, Buffy…' Xander moved towards her again. She held up a hand.

'Do not tell me what you do not know. You weren't there. That guy was…he was…' She collapsed to the steps and held her head, sobbing again.

'I think this was enough for one day. You should leave.' Spike said, moving towards her and scooping her up in his arms.

'You killed him didn't you?' Willow asked, looking directly at him. 'I think we can figure out what he did to have her so upset. And…good…I'm glad you were there Spike.'

'Willow!!! Surely you can't condemn this creature…' Giles was cut off by Willow getting in his face.

'You took her power away Giles. So I suggest you leave before I let Spike do what he so clearly wants to do.' The watcher baulked and moved away. He gripped Xander by the arm and pulled him from his position. The boy looked to Willow for back up but found none. She looked at him. 'I think you can understand why she doesn't want you here, Xan.' He winced as he remember his previous behaviour when he had been possessed. Then nodded and followed Giles out of the door.

Willow turned to Spike, who was cradling Buffy still, shushing her gently. 'Do you want me to stay, or get you anything?' She asked both of them. Spike looked at her and nodded.

'I don't suppose you would pick up some blood for me…I haven't eaten in a while.' Buffy looked up at him, as if suddenly remembering his needs and she motioned for him to set her down. He complied and looked at her quizzically.

'Why don't you go out and get some?' She said. 'I would like some time alone with Willow.' He stared at her, wondering if she knew what getting blood himself entailed and if she even cared. The look in her eyes said she didn't and he nodded.

'No problem pet.' He smiled and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. 'I'll know if you need me. Just scream okay?'

She nodded, and squeezed his hand. Willow watched the interaction, wondering what else had happened to bring two mortal enemies to such proximity. The vampire swept from the house and Willow watched him leave, before Buffy threw her arms around her best friend, almost choking her.

'You definitely got you strength back then?' Willow joked and Buffy let her go, smiling almost apologetically, even though with the smile she looked so withdrawn inside herself. The red head looked at her friend and then nodded. 'I think tea is in order.'

*****


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

*****

She knew he'd killed the minute he walked through the door into the kitchen. Willow had left half an hour before, in a cab, to Buffy's insistence. She knew how it was to be helpless and couldn't let her friend suffer the same fate she had. They had talked for ages about what had happened and both had cried but Buffy now felt much better for having spoken to her best friend about everything. It hadn't healed all her wounds; it would be some time before she ever totally overcame the grief and heartbreak that she felt. But he was back now and she felt safe again.

She didn't want to think about the ramifications of that sentence for a long while.

He had killed and she knew, but she didn't say anything. She simply didn't care right now. But the scent of gunpowder on his jacket, the wince that he unwittingly betrayed suggested he had been savouring a slightly less pleasant meal for the evening. She stood from the stool and walked over to him, pulling his jacket to one side. A hole was ripped clean through his shirt and a sealed wound was underneath, the sign one only retrieved from a gunshot. His meal had fought back.

'Where did you go?' She asked, picking up a discarded cloth from the island and walking to the sink to soak it. Whilst she did so, Spike shrugged out of his coat and watched her warily.

'Was wandering through town and then I happened upon a little gathering outside the old cash and carry.' He flinched as she returned to his side and began to clean the wound. 'Bunch of thugs trying to rob the place.'

'You killed them?' She asked, not in an accusatory tone, just with an air of general curiosity. He looked at her, watching the concentration on her face as she cleaned dried blood from his skin.

'Not…all of them.' He grabbed her hand, stopping her work. She looked at him.

'I'm not mad. You needed to eat and they obviously weren't innocent.' She stared at him, the coldness in her eyes and the nonchalant attitude in which she made her statement made him sick to his stomach. He stood up and grimaced in pain as the wound ripped open again. She frowned and pulled at his shirt. 'Take your shirt off, so I can sort this out.'

'I'll be fine.'

'No, you won't be.' She rolled her eyes. 'Let me take care of you for a change. It'll make me feel useful again.' He stopped at her words and allowed her to pull his shirt off. The bullet had not gone all the way through and he could almost feel it rattling around inside of his rib cage. Buffy started to clean the wound, mopping up the fresh blood. 'We need to get the bullet out.' He shook his head.

'You'd be surprised how many times I've been shot and never seen the bullet.' He smirked and she slapped him playfully.

'We still need to try and get it out.' She whispered, staring at his wound and cleaning it gently with the cloth. Every brush her hand made him groan and he grabbed her hand again to stop her from making his head explode.

'It doesn't matter right now.' He sighed and brushed a lock of hair out of her face. 'How did things go with Willow?'

'It was good to talk to her. She said she's going to kill Giles and tell the others to back off. She understands, sort of. Then she said she was gonna sort all my homework for me, which I wasn't so thankful for.' She smiled and Spike smiled with her. It was nice to hear her joke like that. Brought back some of the girl he loved to hate. _The sooner she's better, the sooner you have to hold up your end of the bargain, mate._

He shook his head and cleared his throat. 'Would you be up to a quick patrol?'

She hesitated, biting her bottom lip. 'What's the point?'

Spike stared at her. 'You're the Slayer. It's what you do.'

'They hurt each other all the time. How can I be sure I'm not saving someone who'll end up being a killer someday?' She moved away from him, looking down, her hair falling across the face to hide the fear she felt. But he could feel it too, coming off of her in waves. Her confusion and despair at being hurt by the ones she was supposed to protect. It was clear and strong to him.

'What about the ones who won't?' he asked, coming up behind her and putting a hand on her shoulder. She turned in his grasp, looking up at his face with unshed tears and anguish written across her features. 'Not everyone is a bad person love, not everyone is evil. Your friends aren't. Children aren't. A select few are the bastards you think, and even then…' He sighed, unable to believe that he was saying this. 'You're the Slayer.'

'Stop saying that!!!' She shouted, pushing him away. 'What if I don't want to be the Slayer!!!? I don't want to fight to protect a world I don't want to be in right now!!' She collapsed in tears for the umpteenth time in days. Spike was immediately by her side, his arms enveloping her and pulling her to him. 'And why the hell do you care anyway? You just killed someone. You drank the blood right out of someone then come back and tell me to go save them. I let you go out, knowing you would kill, and then…I didn't care.'

'You do care pet. You're just burying it right now. When you're better…' He trailed off, lifting her chin so she was looking into his eyes. 'You'll be alright. I'll be here to make sure of it.'

'But you want me dead.' She whispered.

He smiled softly and wiped her tears away. 'Not so sure bout that anymore, pet…'

*****

His declaration had remained unchallenged by her or by him, and he had put her to bed once more, settling in beside her to help her through her nightmares. As she had snuggled into his side, he planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered that she was safe and could rest. She believed him. It was unsettling that she could sleep in the arms of a man…monster…who had so recently killed, but she knew somehow that he would never harm her now. The understanding between them had reached a level where they no longer needed the fight. There was a comfort between them, a mutual reasoning for their situation and Buffy didn't doubt that he would always be there for her. She just wished she had the guts to stand up to her feelings and regain the girl she was before all this had happened.

Her dreams betrayed her again that night.

*****

Angel stood outside the Summers' house, feeling his childe inside with his love. He daren't climb to her window, partly for fear of scaring her further, and partly for fear of what he would see. Spike was in there, a brutal killer who had killed mere hours before. He had followed him on the hunt and followed him back to the house, hearing all that occurred inside. Buffy had not cared that he had killed, only that he had been hurt and Angel could feel her slipping from his grasp even now. They had never had friendship. Only love and hurt. And he hurt now all the more for the fact that Spike was helping where he was not. Spike was accepted where he was not. Even the watcher and the boy had not done anything. Willow had accepted it without argument.

It wasn't fair. His inner petulant child was screaming at him, his demon even more so. Buffy was his.

Only she wasn't anymore. She was falling from his grasp and she wasn't going to be his for much longer. Spike would take her and Angel deserved it. He deserved to lose her as Spike had lost Dru so many times to him. He would not deny her happiness even if it was with someone who would never deserve her. But then who was he to talk. Spike fought for love and passion. Angel fought because he thought it would redeem him someday. He fought for a reward.

Spike fought for no such thing.

He sighed and turned from the house, feeling the approaching dawn. He loved her, he truly did, but he realised now that his destiny lay far from Buffy's. Her destiny had become something he could not follow and he couldn't shake the sickening feeling that maybe she was better off his errant childe than she was with him. Spike at least, could show her real love, no fleeting touches and promises of more that would never come to fruition.

Angel walked away, knowing that in everything, he was not the better man.

And he hated himself for it.

*****

Buffy woke up before Spike did but she didn't move. She lay there, staring at his motionless features, daring to reach up and run a finger down one of his cheekbones. He was handsome, she couldn't deny it. But he was still an evil vampire.

_So was Angel for a hundred years. He killed Jenny and tortured Giles and you still wanted him._

She felt emotions inside her, causing turmoil in her brain. She desperately needed to kill something. She climbed out of bed, careful not to wake him, and got dressed, tucking a stake in her belt. _I guess he was right. I am the Slayer. But I can't shake that horrible feeling that I'll save someone who will hurt someone else._

An REM song jumped into her head and she smiled slightly at the irony. Spike groaned and rolled over in his sleep. He must be tired still. The bullet wound on his bare chest was almost healed and dear god his chest was nice to look at, all alabaster planes and angles and…_ no I do not want to lick his chest or his abs or…I'm patrolling now._ She headed downstairs, and then realised that sun was pouring in through the front door. _Okay, so I won't patrol. _She sighed and looked at the clock. _Maybe I'll go to school. It's only eleven. I can avoid Giles and get out of this house for a while. I'll just leave a note for Spike so he doesn't panic._

She scribbled out a quick note and left it on the table, grabbing her coat and heading for the door. As she slammed it behind her, the note fluttered off of the hallway table and floated underneath, out of sight.

*****

_Maybe this was a bad idea._ Buffy pondered, standing in the courtyard of school, a safe distance away from the crowds. She took a deep breath and walked forward, slowly, avoiding getting within touching distance of anyone. She flinched if someone came to close, scurrying towards her locker. Classes were starting after lunch and the halls were clearing but not enough. A jock in a letterman's jacket brushed past her and she jumped, yelping a little. The action earned her funny looks from fellow students and she suddenly felt she couldn't breathe. She rushed away, forgetting her locker, forgetting her attempt at normalcy. She ran through the corridors and slammed through the basement access, stopping once it was shut and she was away from people. She moved to the bottom of the stairs and curled on the lowest step, sobbing into her hands.

Like magic his arms were around her and she sunk into his perfectly fitting body, not for a moment wondering why he was there, it only mattered that he was and she was safe again.

'Felt you, pet. Knew you'd try. Let's get you home, k?' He pulled her into his arms and carried her out through the sewer access to her home. She had stopped crying by the time they got there, but she stopped him as he went to open the sewer access.

'It's sunny. How did you…'

'I ran, pet. Burnt myself a little.' He chuckled, but then took her hand. 'You run on in okay? Hold the door for me and I'll bolt after.' She nodded and climbed up the ladder, running for the house. Spike followed soon after, dropping in the hallway to put out the small flames on his back. Buffy noticed then that he didn't have his coat on and he smiled. 'I left it. Didn't even think.'

'How did you know? Did you find my note?' She asked, looking for it on the table.

'No, I didn't see any note. I just…I knew.' He said the last part as a breathy whisper, as if he was unsure of it himself. Buffy decided not to question it, just grateful he had come to her again.

'Maybe I'll leave school for another day.' She said, turning and walking into the kitchen. He smiled and followed, turning the kettle on.

'Tea?' He asked and she smiled at him, taking a seat at the island. 'Maybe tonight we should go out together. Take your frustration out.'

Buffy paused for a second. 'Yeah. Yes, I think, maybe we should. Frustrations out, best way possible.' He turned to her, a dirty look on his face and she blushed. 'Except for…that.'

'I wouldn't take advantage, pet.' He said, seriously, putting two cups on the side and waiting patiently for the kettle to boil.

_Not like I would stop you with that delicious….Bad Buffy, behave. He's been nice, yeah, but that's no reason to jump his bones._ She watched him, her heart rate speeding up, trying to ignore the feelings coursing through her. Spike has obviously picked up on it, as he froze, the kettle clicking as he did so. He didn't turn around but carried on with his task, carefully avoiding eye contact as he placed a steaming cup in front of her.

'So, we veg out in front of the telly for a bit, watch Passions or something, then out for patrolling.' He said, sipping at his tea. Buffy nodded vigorously, glad he didn't bring up what he had so obviously sensed. She picked up her drink, headed into the living room and sat on the sofa. Spike joined her, sitting a good distance away but not so far that he couldn't reach her if needed. She turned the telly on and flicked through the channels, pausing when she found a film.

Eventually they moved closer, until she was snuggled in Spike's arms, her head under his chin. She didn't know how long she was sat like that but before she knew it, it was dark and she couldn't even have told anyone what they had been watching. Just being in his arms, made her safer than ever, and she knew without a doubt that he would protect her without hesitation.

Whatever had been playing on the telly finished and Spike reached for the remote, turning the telly off. 'Ready to go out for a bit pet?' She liked how he phrased it, not emphasising the patrol bit, not putting any undue pressure on her duties. She nodded, and turned to the stairs.

'Just gonna go get changed.' She disappeared from his sight and he turned to the front door, knowing who was lurking behind it. He opened it to find Angel, waiting on the porch.

'Come for you evening update?' The blonde asked.

'Yeah, you could say that.' The older vampire replied quietly, stepping out from the shadows.

'Well, I've managed to get her to agree to go out. Not on a patrol of sorts but if she feels like killing something, I'm not gonna stop her.'

'Good, as long as she's getting back to normal…it should be better for her.' _The sooner you can leave._ Angel added bitterly, knowing that Spike probably never would. The younger looked over his shoulder, hearing her moving around.

'She tried to go to school but panicked, I think it'll take some time yet. Listen, she'll be down in a second and she's still…' He didn't have to say it; the crestfallen look on Angel's face said it all. 'You can follow if you want to make sure but keep a good enough distance that she can't sense you.' The elder looked shocked for a second at Spike's suggestion.

'Why do you care? You're relishing in the fact that she's terrified of me.'

'I'm not you, mate. I can see it's killing her.' Spike said, seriously. 'Now get out of here, she's coming downstairs.' He shut the door, not bothering to wait for Angel to leave. He turned to see Buffy standing on the stairs, unfitting jeans and a baggy white turtleneck covering her from head to foot. She smiled shyly and offered him a stake. He took her from her grasp and smiled back. She looked at the door apprehensively.

'Is he gone?' She asked tentatively. 'I could feel him from upstairs.' Spike frowned. He wasn't going to tell her that her honey would probably be stalking them all night.

'He just came by to check up on you. He's gone now. Promised to keep his distance.' He opened the door for her, and waiting as she seemed to assess the situation. After a few moments, Buffy stepped forward and walked slowly out of the porch. As soon as she was out of the house, Spike could feel her tense up, her senses alert. She was all Slayer in posture, but as soon as her hazel eyes turned to him he could see her for the frightened girl she was inside. He shut the door behind them and moved to her side, unconsciously trying to reassure her that she was safe: that she wasn't alone.

They walked alone in silence for minutes that stretched into an eternity for both of them. Then Spike had to voice a question that had been bugging him for a good ten minutes since they had left the house.

'You can tell the difference between us. Me and Angelus. You know which is which?'

Buffy looked down at the ground, fiddling with the stake in her hand. Then she raised her eyes and looked at him. 'Yeah. I know you and him. I can't pick up any others. I guess…I'm used to both of you. You have your own individual signatures.'

'How are they….individual?' He asked, trying to keep her talking. She shrugged.

'I dunno. Tinglies have always been, well, tinglies. There's just something different between you two and other vampires. Angel has a more subtle signature. Yours is just like you.' She waved her arms around for dramatic effect. 'Hello, I'm here, pay attention to me and all the havoc I'm wreaking.' She smiled again, a genuine smile and Spike chuckled. She carried on speaking, and Spike allowed her to ramble about various subjects, knowing talking would minimise any vampires getting near them, so she wouldn't have to push herself too much and that talking was best. Letting her stay in silence with her own thoughts would do more harm to her already frazzled psyche.

He listened to her prattle on about things that had happened in the past, events he hadn't been present for, inane occasions that didn't even seem important but were obviously crucial enough to stick in her mind. He didn't absorb any of it, his body too aware of hers and his senses keeping on top for any sudden intrusion on their little soiree. He knew Angel was close behind; he could sense him better than Buffy could, them both being vampires and all. But she was unaware or not telling. He figured if she knew he was there, she would freak. He knew all the ins and outs of her reasons to fear Angel. He didn't understand her particular terror of the boy she hung around with and could only assume it was a tale for another time, something that happened before Spike had driven his DeSoto into the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign.

His plan to keep her distracted didn't work when a particularly stupid vampire strayed into their path. He was still covered in dirt from crawling out of his grave, and decided, in all his stupidity, to approach them. Spike didn't vamp out but hoped Buffy could hold her own. He had more than enough faith in her ability but her mental fragility was all too obvious at the moment. He was pleased when she fell into a defensive stance and held herself well against her first foe since the night they'd all rather forget.

Until the vampire leered at her. 'Bit overdressed for a quickie in the cemetery aren't you?' He asked, snarling. Buffy faltered as he advanced, and Spike knew she was about to buckle. He vamped out and snarled at the fledgling. The younger vampire jumped back. 'S-sorry, pal, I thought she was fair game.'

Buffy flinched at the reference. Then her face seemed to solidify and she lunged at the vampire, knocking him to the ground. She landed punch after punch on his face and chest, breaking skin and bon under her fury. Spike knew she needed this but at the same time couldn't let her lapse into brutality. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she finally plunged her seemingly forgotten stake into the bloodied corpse below her. She hit the floor through his dust and raised cold steely eyes to Spike.

He hadn't been afraid in a long time. Not like this. But it was clear that the creature staring at him now was not Buffy.

Then she was gone. Buffy stared at him, fat tears running down her cheeks as the terror returned to her eyes and she collapsed in a heap. The blonde vampire couldn't pick her up quick enough, deciding enough was enough for the night and that home to a warm bed was needed.

Angel watched from a distance; he had seen the whole thing. He was seething with anger that he was not the one helping her; she was his to help, his to protect. His salvation. And Spike was taking it from him. His rationalisation of the situation before was fading and now all he saw was another vampire with his girl. Touching her, living with her, being where he should be. This would not do. No matter what he had to do, he had to get rid of Spike. He knew Buffy would not be truly better until the peroxide pest was blowing in the wind.

*****


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

*****

A slight breeze caught her attention as she sat in the kitchen, alone for a change, supping at the cup of hot chocolate she had made herself. Spike was asleep in her room, dead to the world – quite literally. She had slept for a brief few hours, her mind too full of questions and confusion to truly rest. She was slowly coming to terms with what had happened but was a long way from accepting it. She was angry, true, but also ashamed and disgusted with herself that she allowed it to happen. Her inner Slayer was berating her; she was stronger than this surely? Too allow a mere human to take control and violate her in such a way. A small part of her was demanding revenge, anger only at the fact that it was too late and Spike had taken it from her. But a tiny part of her was guilty that Spike had killed a human in front of her, and she had not stopped it. The same for the thugs she had turned a blind eye to.

But a bigger part of her screamed; why should you care? People do bad things to each other everyday. Why save them?

_Because not all of them are evil. Some are completely innocent._

Spike's voice was the voice of reason inside her mind. Which, in itself, was completely off the wacky scale, Buffy was sure her brains should be all over the wall, or her head should at least be doing a three sixty on her spine.

_He's been good to you. He's saved you. You would have been killed if it wasn't for him._

And again, hello, vampire? Buffy sighed and put her head in her hands. She was split into more than two. So many arguments inside one brain should definitely qualify for insanity. Maybe she should have herself committed before she went completely off the deep end and started killing people herself.

_That's not going to happen and you know it._

The voice of Spike made her open her eyes again. This was so wrong. So bad. He may be a hot blonde who'd saved her life and kept her going the last week – he may be helping her heal in more ways than she wanted to count. But he was still Spike. Still evil. Still threatening to kill her.

_Even though the last time he said he sounded less enthusiastic than a kid going to the dentist._

She clasped her head and gritted her teeth, making a noise of anger and desperation as she argued with herself. She was definitely going insane.

The phone rang and knocked her off her chair and back into reality. As she landed on the floor with a grunt, a bang sounded from upstairs, closely followed by a "bloody hell". She grinned and pulled herself to her feet, grabbing the phone with one hand and rubbing her bruised derriere with the other.

'Hello?'

'Hello, Buffy…it's Giles.' His voice sounded hesitant and she frowned. If he was calling to warn her of some impending doom, the librarian could definitely go fuck himself this time. When she didn't answer him, he continued. 'I just wanted to ring and see how you were doing. We hadn't heard from you in a day or so and we…'

'Wanted to check Spike hadn't killed me?' Buffy spat, watching as the vampire in question wandered into the kitchen. He looked as if he was in a daze at first; his hair was tousled and he didn't have a shirt on. He looked up at Buffy in concern at the tone of her voice.

'No…yes…no that wasn't…Angel assured us that…'

She just _knew_ he was polishing his glasses. 'Well you can sleep easy Giles. I'm still alive and I'm doing just fine without you. When I wanna come back I will. But for now I'm staying with Spike.' She hung up the phone, her anger causing her to slam it against the cradle on the wall. She looked down, guilt strewn across her face when the phone disconnected itself from the wall, and bounced against the skirting board, dangling from the wires. After staring at it for a few seconds, she looked up at Spike and then smiled.

'Morning.' She bounced towards the kettle.

Spike raised an eyebrow and watched her. 'Evening actually.' Buffy shrugged in response and flicked the switch on the kettle. 'You're…erm…happier.' He struggled to find the right word and continued to keep his eyes on her as she busied herself making tea.

'Yeah, well…I'm getting better. It's what everyone wants isn't it?' She pulled a cup from the cupboard, putting it down with a little more force than necessary. She didn't notice the crack that spread from the bottom at her use of strength. 'Giles wants me to be all "super slayer". Angel wants me to be all needy and with him. Xander wants me to save his butt whenever he gets into trouble. Mom wants me to be the perfect student. You want me to get better so you can kill me. So I'm getting better. Then everyone will be happy and I'll be happy again.' She pulled sugar and tea bags from the cupboard, squashing the packets and seemingly not caring. 'I'll get better and I'll carry on saving people, half of which will go on to hurt everyone else but why should I care? I fight evil, but only if it has scales and fangs.' She started pulling things she didn't even need from the shelves, and Spike frowned. 'I'll keep smiling and staking, and be all lalala, no one cares about my feelings and thoughts, cause, hey, why should they? I'm just the slayer, saving the world, that's easy, getting though stuff, why bother? I mean, I'll just be dead soon anyway. Short life span, no future, nothing to live for…' The kettle clicked and Buffy turned on it fiercely. 'And I'm talking here!' She shouted, picking it up and throwing it at the wall behind Spike. He jumped up and hissed as splashes of boiling water landed on his skin. But he didn't have time to care as he looked back to Buffy.

She had collapsed on the floor, her face in her hands, shoulder shaking with the tears and wails she was currently emitting. He rushed to her side and put his arms around her, holding her close as she cried again. She looked up, revealing her stained face to him. 'Why can't I stop crying?' She wailed again and he shushed her, pulling a cloth from the side and dabbing her face; a fruitless attempt at drying her cheeks.

'You don't have to be better pet. You take as much time as you need.' He tilted her chin up and smiled. 'If anyone tells you any different, I'll kill em for you, okay?'

She smiled and nodded. 'K.'

'Right.' He nodded curtly and pulled her to her feet. 'Now, what's say we go get ourselves dressed and head out to patrol?'

She hesitated, thinking about the night before, looking at him with concern in her eyes. 'What about…I didn't do so good last night.'

'Killed one didn't you?'

'Yeah but…I kinda wailed on his face. It wasn't really a good kill.'

'He was a vampire. You're not gonna start feeling bad over that are you?' She baulked at his question. Spike was again encouraging her to be the Slayer. He was definitely a vampire deficient of something. She shook her head in response and sighed. He smiled at her. 'Well then. Go get your glad rags on and we'll go boogie.'

'Did you just say "boogie"?' Buffy asked, putting her hands on her hips.

'What if I did?' He asked, somewhat defensively.

'Just doesn't seem very…_manly_ to me I guess…' She grinned and flounced up the stairs, leaving a gaping vampire in her wake. He then frowned and smirked.

'I'll teach you to take the mick, missy.'

*****

The air was full of summer, not that it made any difference in Californian all year round heat. Buffy had covered herself from head to toe again in clothing, although the heavy jumper and jeans had been discarded for some cargo pants and the top was a simple black number that left absolutely everything to the imagination. She had originally slung a denim jacket on over the top of her ensemble but changed her mind at the very summery weather outside. Spike had forgone his trench coat in favour of just his t-shirt and when Buffy had scrunched her nose up and pointed out that he was a vampire and didn't feel the heat, he shook his head.

'We're cold blooded, luv. Not oblivious. If it's cold, I'll be cold, but when it gets warm, even leather starts to chaff. Anyway, it's not good to expose leather of that quality to constant heat, tends to crack.'

Buffy had simply smiled and nodded and then walked through the door, the cold blooded vampire following. He sniggered as she wrinkled her nose in disgust the moment he lit up a cigarette.

'Thanks for not smoking in the house by the way. Its gonna be hard enough to explain everything to my mom without the smell of cigarettes in the air.' She walked beside him but kept her distance from the tendrils of smoke curling from the end of his cancer stick.

'You were planning on telling your mum what's happened then?' He raised an eyebrow.

'I think I should. She'll understand and I can't keep anything from her.' Buffy sighed. 'Plus, you know, she's home tomorrow and I'm not quite ready for you to…not be here yet.' Her voice lowered, not in shame of him but more in embarrassment of having to admit her reliance on him. He had been so strong for her, giving her everything she needed – when by all rights he could have ripped her throat out a hundred times over by now.

'You sure?' He stopped, dropping the cigarette and looking at her in earnest. With Dru, he had always been needed. Here he was needed too and it was familiar and comfortable to him. But it was more than just need – Buffy had defended him and fought for him. She actually wanted him there.

That was a new feeling.

Buffy looked up at him, nodding and smiling shyly, moving closer to him now that the dreaded white stick was gone. The two walked on in silence, comforted by the mere presence of the other.

No vampires were making their presence known, except for the one Spike knew was following. He could feel the anger swelling from his grandsire and had wondered why he hadn't made his nightly drop by before they had headed out. He knew it was probably resentment that he was unable to get close to the Slayer, unable to help her where his grandchilde could. And even though he hated the pain Buffy was in, Spike loved the pain it was causing Angel.

So when the older vampire jumped from the bushes and knocked Spike to the ground, Spike was only slightly surprised. He had been waiting for this since day one and was up and snarling before Buffy had time to register. The two master vampires circled each other, whilst Buffy backed away from Angel, fear coming to the front before any other emotion. Looking at the snarling beast in front of her, poised to attack the vicious blonde that had become her saviour, she realised that her girlish crush was over – her first love was dead. She would always love Angel in some way but the damage that the previous year had caused them and the struggles they would never overcome had knocked her overwhelming passion and hope for their relationship into perspective and made her realise she could never trust herself with him and nor him with her.

And she couldn't let him destroy any friendship they could salvage by letting him kill the one thing that had kept her alive.

'Angel.' She said, not shouting but loud enough to get his attention. 'Stop.'

He kept his eyes on Spike as he addressed her; venom dripping from every syllable of his voice. 'Why are you defending him Buffy? He's a killer. He is just a reprehensible as m-Angelus was.' Buffy didn't miss his slip of the tongue, and she narrowed her eyes. Angel continued to speak, his true nature pushing through his human features. 'He's tried to kill you; he's tried to kill everyone you care about. And you let him in your house; let him stay with you, when it should be me taking care of you.' He spat the "me" part of the sentence and at that, Spike vamped out too. Buffy's eyes narrowed further and she stepped forward, putting herself deliberately between Angel and Spike, facing the brunette. Her whole body shook and fear flooded off of her in waves. Spike noticed this and he stood straight, his vampire face receding as quickly as it had emerged. He kept his ground, but silently tried to let her know that he was her backup if she needed it.

Buffy stood her ground, clenching her fists and staring directly at her former lover. 'You say that he's killed people, that he has threatened me and my friends. The difference is, I know he's sorry for it now. He's made up for what he did to me without even knowing it.'

Angel dropped his stance and shook his game face off. 'I'm sorry for what Angelus did, Buffy. Of course I am. But it wasn't my fault.'

'It was you and you know it.' She said quietly and he baulked.

'How can you….he's put this in your head!!!' He shouted and Buffy flinched, moving backwards instinctively towards Spike. Angel raised his finger, pointing at the younger vampire, snarling his words. 'He's filled your head with stupid ideas about me and you. We love each other Buffy, we're meant to be together! There is no way he should have any part in your life!!'

'You and Angelus aren't so different. You're still in each other. The soul just makes you feel bad for what you did and stops you from doing it. It dampens what you are.' Buffy whispered. 'Spike didn't put any of this in my head. What happened…put things in perspective and made me realise that we aren't meant to be. Because I can never come to terms with what you did to me and my friends. I will never be able to forgive you completely and I can't trust myself around you.'

'This is stupid, Buffy!! Please, don't let him destroy this. He's just mad because I took Drusilla from him so many times!'

Spike snarled and stepped forward, stopped only by Buffy's small hand on his chest. He could feel her shaking and stopped in his tracks, his concern for her melting away all his anger, even though his demon still called for the blood of the vampire that dared hurt the slayer he was beginning to call his own.

'I thought Angelus took her from him. Half the time you can't decide who did what.'

'He'll kill you. He'll turn on you.'

'He won't.' She said, very assuredly. Angel stared at her.

'How can you be sure?' He asked, folding her arms.

'He's not you.' She said, her voice dropping again, a hint of sadness in it. Angel's face and arms dropped as he took in her words. She didn't wait for a verbal reaction and looked him directly in the eyes, her fear still there but abating slightly. Whilst it hurt to say goodbye, she knew it was time she grew up. Time to let go of a fantasy that could never be real. 'I think you should leave, Angel. I want us to be friends, but right now…we need space from each other.'

He stopped, his eyes big and brown in their sorrowful imitation of a puppy. 'How can you choose him over me? He hasn't even got a soul.'

'That's exactly the reason, Angel.' Buffy looked up at Spike and smiled, looking back her ex with her answer.

'Spike doesn't need a soul.'

*****

Angel wouldn't leave it. She knew he wouldn't. He couldn't. But she would deal with the repercussions another day. Right now, she was comfy and warm wrapped in her duvet on the sofa whilst Spike made her hot chocolate and let her watch fluffy chick flicks on the telly. She could push everything to the back of her mind at this very moment and indulge in the hot blonde pampering her for a just a little while. Right now, she wasn't the slayer and he wasn't her mortal enemy – in truth he hadn't been for nearly a week – and she was just a normal high school girl, getting over a traumatic incident.

Yeah, right.

Her mom was due home the next night and Spike was going to help her tell her mom what had happened. Buffy knew she would flip, have a massive wig out and then blame herself. But Buffy knew it wasn't her mom's fault. It wasn't her fault either – even though there was still a little voice in her brain telling her so. But she knew that that was inevitable. She'd seen enough Oprah and Ricki Lake to know that. The blame could be laid solidly on several shoulders. The entire Watcher's council, who were mostly to blame for their stupid ritual; Giles for taking away her protection and ability to protect herself; and the guy who did it, but he wasn't exactly around to give a good telling off to.

Was it bad that she was happy he was dead?

Spike had killed him, brutally, and probably painfully and she was nodding all the way.

He deserved it.

She closed her eyes tightly and reminded herself that right now, she was enjoyed normalcy and the vampire making her feel better. Said vampire walked into the room at that moment, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, marshmallows, and all sorts of nummy treats that he'd obviously found in the top cupboard that Buffy quite frequently snuck food from whilst her mom wasn't there. Slayer metabolism meant she could eat pretty much anything and Spike's cooking was certainly something she could get used to.

He settled down beside her, looking at the telly. She grabbed her cup and warmed her hands around it, cocking her head towards the TV. 'It's an old favourite. Cheerleading and girly themes. You should love it. And afterwards we have romance and comedy.'

'Whatever makes you happy, pet.' He smiled and reached for his own mug.

They both froze when the front door clicked. Two blonde heads shot up just in time to see Joyce Summers walk through the doorway, a suitcase trundling behind her and a tired expression on her face. Which turned to shock when she took in the cosy scene occurring in her living room. Spike had frozen in mid-movement, looking very much like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Buffy put her cup down and smiled sweetly at her mom, gritting her teeth.

'Hey mom. How was your trip?'

Joyce shook her head, blinking furiously. Then she stopped. 'It was good. I'm going to bed. I'll ignore all this until the morning.'

And then she headed for the stairs, leaving her suitcase by the door.

Silence befell the living room for a moment, the only sound the jumping cheerleaders on the telly. Then both slayer and vampire burst out laughing, literally rolling around the floor, until they were exhausted, ending up side by side. Cheetos had gone flying from their position on the tray and it was a miracle that the hot chocolate hadn't either.

Spike was the first to stop laughing. He looked at Buffy with a serious expression. 'You won't get in trouble for this, will you luv?'

'I don't think so. I think she'll be grateful you were here. But I'm not gonna load her with anything whilst she's tired.' Buffy suddenly realised her close proximity to the vampire and cleared her throat. Spike's eyes widened and they both sat up, looking anywhere but at each other.

'Shall we watch the film then Slayer?'

'Sounds like a plan, batman.' Buffy groaned. _Xanderisms just prove you're nervous. But what for? This is your MORTAL ENEMY. Stop eyeing his nice tight…stop right there. Film. Now._ 'I mean, yeah. We'll deal in the morning.'

Spike nodded and they both resumed their spots on the couch, keeping a good distance between them. And they watched the film in uncomfortable silence, unaware that they were both thinking over the same problem.

*****

Spike had opted to stay in the living room, a safe distance away from the slayer and her mum chatting things out. He didn't think it was appropriate for him to be right there beside her, but he wanted her…well, no he _needed_ her to know he was close.

He'd officially been castrated. There was no way he could show his face in evil society ever again. He'd been pussy whipped every way from Sunday. All because of a slip of a girl with blonde hair and hazel eyes that pleaded with his for help after the traumatic experience she had gone through. Now he was sitting in her living room, ready to comfort her after she had told her mum exactly what had happened whilst she had been away.

He could hear the sobs from both women, hear the lowered voices and chatter and the exclamations from her mother when she finally revealed the extent of her trauma. He could feel her despair from here and it was eating him up in a way it shouldn't have. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to revel in the days of old, when he had been the real big bad, the Scourge of Europe, or part thereof. But he couldn't summon the strength to want to relive it. He didn't want it. He could honestly say that the Slayer had done a number on him. He still wanted to be the type of vampire he was but he wanted to be it in a way that pleased her – even though he knew that when she had recovered she would not even allow him to kill those who were not innocent.

After what seemed like an eternity of dwelling on his own thoughts, his name rang through to his confused brain. Buffy was calling him into the kitchen – her voice unsteady. He bolted to the door immediately, finding her side automatically, only to find her smiling at him gratefully, her eyes full of tears unshed and already escaped. He rubbed his hand over her back, his concern and focus all on her, not even aware of the slayer's mother approaching behind him.

At least this time she didn't have an axe.

'Spike. I want to thank you for looking after her, for rescuing her, for everything. I know you two don't see eye to eye but….' She paused, her gaze connecting with his blue orbs as he looked up. 'Thank you for saving my little girl.'

'S'okay Joyce. I guess…it's not what she would ever deserve.' He sounded like a ponce. Truly he had lost his balls.

Funny how he didn't care.

The older Summers woman moved back round the island, her eyes remaining on the blonde duo, his arms encircling her, to lend his strength to the petite teenager as she leaned into his embrace with tear stained cheeks. She cleared her throat and moved to the kettle. 'Would either of you like some hot chocolate?' She asked and Buffy looked up at the intrusion of her mother's voice into her momentarily peaceful little world.

'Actually…I think….I think I'd better go to school.'

Spike immediately tensed. 'Are you sure pet?' He questioned, remembering what had happened last time she had ventured out on her own.

Buffy nodded and looked between him and her mom. 'I'm gonna ring Willow, see if she will meet me at the school before the end of lunch. So I won't be alone.' She turned her pleading gaze on the blonde vampire. 'If you don't mind walking me there, we can go through the sewers. I can avoid puddles and stuff so I won't smell of it.' The underlying message was clear to him. She wasn't ready to be alone but realised she needed to get back to her normal routines. He didn't mind walking her there – he was just worried about her being on her own.

'Okay, pet.' He smiled and kissed the top of her head, holding her close. 'Why don't you go put some trendy school stuff on and we'll get ourselves ready. I'll ring the library and see if I can get hold of the watcher. He can pass the message on for you.' Buffy nodded, and left the kitchen. Spike and her mom remained for a moment, neither speaking until they heard a door shut upstairs.

'You are welcome to stay as long as you want.' Joyce said, flicking the kettle on. Spike looked up, and nodded slowly.

'I'll stay as long as she needs me. I don't…I've been trying…' It was lot harder to say it than think it. But then he never had been very good with words. 'She's better than she was. At first…I didn't know what to do but I can't leave her.' He sighed. 'It's unnatural.' He mumbled.

'What you have done for her…or what you feel for her?' Joyce asked, not looking at him as she prepared a cup of tea.

Spike stopped dead. 'Feel…I don't _feel_…anything…for her. She's the slayer. We're natural enemies.'

'Which is why you stayed? Why you saved her? Why she trusts you with her life right now?' Joyce filled the cup with boiling water and put the kettle down, turning to Spike with a hand on her hip. 'I've seen the way you look at her, the way your face is so full of concern for her. Like it or not Spike, nature does not dictate that you two will automatically be enemies.'

'I'm a vampire!' He said, not raising his voice but gritting his teeth as he said it. Joyce came to stand opposite him, placing her hands on the island.

'Angel was a vampire.'

Spike glared at her. 'I'm not Angel.'

'No you're better. In all the times I saw him, he never showed an ounce of the passion I see in your eyes. I've never seen her look so safe with anyone. Face it, Spike. You may be a vampire, you may be the big evil, but in her eyes, you're the world. You're her saviour. And you care for her more than you like to admit.'

Joyce pushed herself upwards with her hands and looked at him pointedly. He wilted under her gaze and slumped backwards, holding his head his hands.

'I'm not good enough for her.'

She smiled gently and moved to stand beside him, placing a hand on his back. 'I bet she doesn't see it that way.'

He looked up at her and his jaw set, determination spreading over his face. He stood up and smiled. 'I can see where she gets it from. Her spirit. You're an amazing woman, Joyce.'

Joyce blushed, waving a hand at him. 'Don't. Just you make sure that my little girl is all right. You'll do good by her, Spike, you and I both know it.' She paused. 'Although I must be mad, setting my daughter up with a man who's not only a vampire but well over the age limit I would usually approve. How old are you?'

'Too old.' He said. 'I was twenty five when I was human. I'm well over a hundred and twenty five now.'

Joyce's eyes widened and then she smiled. 'Nevermind. I guess it doesn't matter. She needs someone who can give her a little structure in life.'

Spike nodded. 'I'd better go make sure she is nearly ready. Can you ring the watcher? I can't imagine him wanting to hear from me.' Joyce's face darkened.

'Yes, I believe I will ring Mr. Giles. I owe him a piece of my mind.'

****


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

She could feel his eyes burning into her back as she walked away from the darkened alcove across the street from the high school. Willow waited for her at the gates, a bright pink jersey making the redhead stand out from the crowd. Somehow she knew, no matter what, he would be waiting in that exact same spot for her after she had finished her afternoon classes. Armed with a note from her mom, she took a deep breath and headed towards her best friend, who hugged her tightly and was smiling when she pulled back.

'Buffy...you look so much better.' Willow's smile was contagious and Buffy smiled with her, hooking her arm through Willow's as they walked into the school. She was prepared and looking towards her classes with a renewed vigour. Time to get her life on track again.

Even if it meant indulging in a vampire guardian who watched her every move from the shadows.

Spike watched the front of the school for a long time after the Slayer had disappeared beyond his sight. Then he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the heat on his skin from the nearness to a fatal burst of sunlight. He took a step back and slid further into the shadows, kicking the cover the manhole aside with his boot. He jumped down into the sewers with a grace any onlookers would have wondered at and began to stalk through the maze of tunnels that led him underneath Sunnydale High. He found the entrance to the stacks and entered quietly, watching as Giles handed some books to student and then retired to his office, alone in the library. The vampire frowned and then stalked towards the office, his hands fisting at his sides.

The old fool didn't even hear him as he approached and leant on the door jamb, his eyes glaring daggers into the old man's head. The low growl that slipped out, however, did catch Giles' attention and he span in his chair, pulling a stake from god knows where.

'Yeah, that'll work on a student. You don't go for inconspicuous mate, do ya?'

Giles deflated and stood, tucked the stake back wherever he had pulled it from. Spike frowned at this, not liking how all her friends had taken to him being harmless all of a sudden. A problem to be rectified.

'Spike...well, er...how is Buffy?'

'Straight to point, ay Watcher?' Spike shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away from the office, feeling and hearing the watcher follow him as he came to rest on the counter, oozing a swaggering confidence as he grinned at the watcher. 'She is, no doubt, absorbing all the knowledge that can be bestowed upon her in this fine establishment.' Giles' eyes widened slightly comically. 'The sooner she gets back to normal the better right?'

'The sooner you can leave.' The librarian stated, somewhat coldly. Spike shrugged.

'Well, yeah, no need to hang around here once she's fighting fit and all Slayer-like again, is there?' The vampire jumped off the counter, wandering around to the table and fingering through the books there. Giles watched him warily, concern for his slayer and his books on his face. The blonde continued to speak, his voice calmed and quiet. 'She's had it rough. You, and Angelus, not helping that fact. The boy hasn't done any good either. She's spooked and it will be a long time before she's recovered fully. Give it a week or so and she'll be able to go about her normal duties without me helping. Just need to kick her back on track. Then I'll be gone. Away. Never to return. Ever.'

'You...don't want to leave.' Giles observed, narrowing his eyes at the vampire. Spike scoffed, and in an offended manner, looked up at the watcher.

'Don't be...a berk, I am not staying here a minute longer.'

'I thought you wanted to kill her? Fight to the death.' Giles inched forward slowly.

Spike's head dropped. 'I did...I mean, I do.' He sighed. 'She's the Slayer. She's perky and annoying and too bloody good for her own...good.' His head snapped up. 'No. I am not having this conversation. I came by to tell you she's on the mend, back in school and all that rot. I'll be taking my leave now to go and get nicely drunk.'

Giles watched him as he stalked back towards the stack and then turned on his heel to return to his office. The vampire's voice floated to him over the books, the threat all too evident in his tone.

'Fuck up like that again Watcher, and I swear on all that's unholy and evil in this world...you won't live to read another book.'

And in that moment, as he heard the vampire slam the door behind him, he knew his Slayer had snared another vampire into her web and that this one would not leave.

Classes had been boring but a welcome return to normality. Willow had been chatting non-stop all afternoon and Buffy had been grateful for that fact. Xander had shown his face once at afternoon recess, and Buffy had smiled and greeted him, but her eyes had held the clear warning for him to keep his distance. He had ducked his head bashfully and smiled at her, and the three had sat in the lounge, talking about normal stuff, avoiding all topics to do with the hellmouth and bleached blonde vampires with a penchant for violence. All in all, it had been a nice day.

She hadn't gone to see Giles, and was quite happy to ignore any pending apocalypses until necessary. For now, being with her friends and not thinking about anything else, especially not the blonde vampire currently residing in her house, and in her bed every night.

Every time, her thoughts turned to him, she shuddered. The look in his eyes whenever he glanced her way, the manner in which he took care of her...it frightened her to her very core.

But she couldn't allow herself to think of it. She ignored the entire subject all afternoon and even when her mom picked her up in the car to take her home, she kept her mind away from all thoughts of Spike. She thought about homework, bronzing plans for the weekend, everything and anything except any vampires.

The plan failed when she and her mom arrived home to find Spike fast asleep on the sofa in front of passions. Joyce smiled at her daughter and the nodded towards the sleeping dead.

'He fell asleep a couple of hours ago, so I shut the curtains and left him too it. He looked so peaceful.'

'He's dead. Hence, he sleeps like them.' Buffy said, wandering over to the sleeping blonde and looking down at him. She was surprised to see his chest rise and fall, small twitches in his fingers and legs occurring every so often. He slept like a living person. Angel had never moved in his sleep, had always slept like a statue, hard and unbreathing. Figures Spike would be the complete opposite. She smiled and looked up to her mom, who had disappeared into the kitchen. She made to follow her, when a noise caught her attention. Spike was murmuring.

'Sorry...no...never...always yours...'

Buffy frowned. He was dreaming. And by the sounds of it, dreaming about Drusilla. The thought hurt, surprisingly. But then, she knew he loved her, so why would it be surprising that he would dream about her.

'Don't go...can't leave...always yours...God...I'll never leave you...never...Buffy...' Shock torn through her and she stared at him, as he tossed and turned, his dream becoming more violent and vivid in the wake of her presence. He repeated his words as she gazed upon him, her body stock still and her eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears. It was only when he sat bolt upright, panting hard, his hands clenched in fury that she jumped back. He looked around frantically and then jumped to his feet upon seeing her, gathering her into his arms and holding her close.

'It was only a dream...thank fuck it was only a dream.' He held her so tight, she felt overwhelmed for a moment before she felt his trembling.

'Spike, I'm here. It's okay, I'm here.' She whispered and the trembling stopped. He released her, stepping back and for a moment, Buffy knew if he could blush, he would be bright red round about now.

'Right...er...sorry about that...I, er, I guess...' He fumbled for words and the slayer smiled despite herself, loving this shy and stumbling Spike that she had never seen before. Fears of his true nature dispelled for moments as he appeared to all the world like a teenage boy trying to ask her out on a date. Then he frowned and clasped his hands together. 'I'm going to go see if your mum picked up any more blood.'

She hated it when reality came crashing down. He wasn't a normal teenaged boy and she wasn't a normal teenaged girl. They were vampire and slayer, locked together in a battle to the death.

No matter how much she just wanted things to be as they were in that moment. He stalked off without waiting for a response and a few seconds later, she heard her mom and her vampire talking in the kitchen. She waited for a moment, scolding herself for claiming such a possession over him and then she fled to her room, resolving that Spike needed to leave.

Of course...she still needed him. She didn't know where she would be without him.

Nightfall came quicker than she expected. Buffy had attempted to refuse dinner, but had given in after a lecture from the household vampire. Her mom had stood by and agreed with everything the evil vampire had said, which in Buffy's eyes made her mom slightly evil. So she had sulked in her room, waiting for the time she could go and patrol, and let loose her anger and disappointment on some vampire, who deserved it anyways.

She wasn't expected to open her window and find Angel lurking there. She had backed away almost immediately at the sight of him, fear curdling in the pit of her stomach. He held up a hand to placate her and smiled anxiously.

'Buffy, I'm not here to hurt you.'

'I know that.' She whispered, wondering for the life of her why Spike was not up here, warning the other vampire away until she was better. _Will you ever be better enough to face him?_ Her inner voice asked and she ignored it, knowing she didn't have the answer to that.

'I miss you Buffy...' He started, climbing in through the window. Buffy's eyes widened at his intrusion and she didn't respond to his declaration. She didn't know what she felt anymore, other than terrified. She knew that Angel was her first love, she knew he wouldn't hurt her...but Angelus was only under the surface, wasn't he? Just waiting?

Relief flooded her when her tinglies told her Spike was just on the other side of the door. He was allowing her to be herself, get through this alone, but letting her know he was there if she needed him. Angel knew he was there too, as a scowl crossed his face.

'Buffy, Spike needs to leave. You need to heal on your own and letting a dangerous vampire close to you is not...'

'I let you in. And look what you did last time.' She said quietly, looking him in his soulful brown eyes. Pain flashed across his visage and he glanced downwards, a hard set coming across his face.

'I have a soul now. I won't hurt you again.' He glanced at the door. 'Spike has no restraint.' A scoff sounded from the other side of the door. 'Did you know he threatened Giles today?' He asked and Buffy's eyes widened. 'He threatened your watcher Buffy. You can't trust him.'

The door crashed open and Buffy shrieked and then berated herself for being such a girl.

Spike stood there in all his glory, scowling deeply at Angel.

'No. You do not get to do that.' The blonde vampire spat. He looked towards Buffy, a apologetic look on his face. 'I wanted you to do this on your own but I can't stand by while he twists my words.' He sighed. 'I did threaten the watcher.' The look on her face crushed him but he carried on. 'I told him if he ever hurt you again, I'd kill him.' What had seemed like betrayal on her face suddenly turned into relief and tears glistened in her eyes.

Angel stepped forward. He opened his mouth to argue and stopped when Buffy raised a hand. She was still looking at Spike.

'You need to leave.' She whispered. Spike's face fell, whilst Angel looked triumph, until her gaze fell to him. 'Angel, you need to leave.'

He froze in his tracks, looking to the younger vampire to see his look of smugness, and all his saw was shock and awe. Directed at the powerful slayer in front of him.

'Buffy...I...' His face set, hard and grim in his determination. 'Buffy I can't leave you here with him. You have to send him away. He is dangerous and you will never be safe with him.'

'Like I was with you? Don't ask me to choose Angel. Because I'll choose Spike. He has been beside me for a week, holding me through my nightmares, comforting me through my tears. All without a soul. You show up to threaten or warn and then disappear again. You won't let me close to you since you got back. And now, I look at you and all I can see is the blood on your hands. How close your demon is to the surface. So if you want me to choose, it's Spike. I trust him. He won't hurt me. He can't hurt me. You have hurt me, and I can't risk everything again for a love I only believed in when I was innocent.' The tone of her voice was wavering and tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. 'So, please...go, leave me alone.'

The tall vampire looked at her in shock for a few seconds, before his face set into a scowl and he glared at the blonde pair.

'Fine, I'll go. But trust me. He will fuck up.'

And with that he was gone. Spike was still staring at her, even as she flung herself into his arms, the sobs breaking loose.

'Oh Gods, Spike...I loved him. I loved him so much and now I...I can't. Because I look at him and all I see is the demon.'

'Pet, shhh...it's okay.' He pulled her head back, looking down on her tear stained countenance with confusing in his eyes. 'I need to ask...why isn't it the same with me. I'm a demon too, luv. I've no intention of fighting the good fight, or wearing a white hat. That's your territory, not mine.' She smiled.

'I won't force you to change your ways. I know you've still been hunting. But you haven't killed any innocents. You come home smelling of gunpowder and weed. I've heard it on the news today about drug dealers and murderers turning up dead or wounded.'

Spike stared at her, a brief thought of how she knew what weed smelt like crossing his mind, before he looked at his own personal changes in the last few days. He hadn't been hunting them on purpose...he just thought it would be easier.

'I can't say who's to die and who's to live.' The slayer continued, moving to the bed, the vampire moving with her. 'But I can't control you or change your nature. Just like you can't change mine. I don't expect you to stay with me. I never expected you to stay this long. I don't want to pressure you into staying and I can't even say I like you.' She smiled as he did at her comment, and then she took his hand. 'But I see the grey. I know there's evil in humans, just as there is in demons. And if you did stay, I would want you to stay with me, maybe help me. You told me once that you like this world, and I'm hoping It will be enough.' Buffy sighed and looked out of the window. 'I don't know what the future holds. But I know it can't be with Angel anymore. It was an innocence thing, and I don't feel like I have that anymore. I feel dirty, sullied and rotten inside.' Her voice fell to a whisper.

Spike grasped her hand tightly as her grip faltered, and lifted her chin up with his other hand.

'Your innocence isn't gone. And you aren't rotten or dirty. You're a little worse for wear, and torn apart...but I know you'll be right as rain soon. You'll be back to the perky annoying slayer I know and love in no time. And...I'll stay, for as long as you need me too.' He smiled, the light from the street outside making his blue eyes almost glow and Buffy felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him.

She stopped herself and smiled instead. Then he stood up and motioned to her bed. 'Now, off to sleep with you. School tomorrow. No patrolling tonight, I'll take care of it.'

'Okay.' She waited for him to leave and scooted back on the bed, reaching for her PJ's.

It wasn't until she turned all the lights off and snuggled down into her duvet that she realised what he'd said. She sat bolt upright, looking out the window.

'Love?'

He'd made it through two cemeteries before he realised. He stopped and looked down, then up and then slapped himself on the forehead.

'Oh crap.'

I am sorry this took so long to get up, I've been rather busy and ill lately, not to mention a slowly dying laptop. But all is in working order again so I will endeavour to have this fic finished soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Author: geeks_girl_tm  
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

The Scoobies sat in silence around the library table, one with her face in a book, one with a Cosmo firmly in her grasp, one fiddling with a ring on his finger and one having a staring contest with a jelly doughnut. Rustling and the odd thud sounded from the office, as the father figure of the group worked through his research, finding any information he could pertaining to incidents involving slayers and romantic entanglement with vampires. He had found nothing, just like he had found nothing when Buffy had taken up with Angel.

And that had turned out so well for everyone involved.

Spike was another entity entirely. He was dangerous, unpredictable, had killed slayers before, but at the same time, the research thrown up about him, including a thesis by another watcher, had suggested that he was far from the normal breed of bloodsucker. He was devoted to those he chose to be under his protection, loved without a thought for his own safety and killed any who threatened those he cared for. Attributes that Angel did not show without a soul. By all accounts, normal vampires stood for nothing but death, nothing but pain and blood. So exactly how safe was his slayer with the blonde vampire.

Xander grumbled, pushing the doughnut away from him as Willow looked up from her book.

'I don't like this. Buffy is shacked up with that thing, and no one is doing anything about it. She won't listen to any of us, even her mom has been brainwashed by him. It's stupid.' He sighed heavily and looked up at his best friend. 'She's changed. Majorly. He could have turned her for all we know.'

'I sincerely doubt it,' Giles said, emerging from his office with a book in hand. He placed the book on the table, open at a page depicting the lengths Spike had gone to, to rescue Drusilla from a demon that had taken a fancy to her in the 1920's. 'From what I have seen, Spike has decided to protect her, for reasons unbeknownst to us. From what his history tells us, he is fiercely loyal and protective of those he does this with.' Xander scowled at the watcher.

'So we're trusting a source that is dead, possibly fake? I don't believe this. Our Buffy would never let that bloodsucker near her. He's a killer!'

'So was Angel.' Cordelia pointed out, not lowering the magazine she was involved with.

'Yeah. And that turned out like a gem didn't it?' The teenage boy spat back. Oz sat up in his seat as Willow inhaled sharply.

'Xander...what happened to...what Buffy went through...it changes people's perspectives. She suffered a great trauma, had something done to her that no one should have done. Spike saved her from anything worse happening. She's only alive because of him. He might not be the best thing in the long run...but right now, he might be what she needs to be herself again.'

'I can't accept that.' Xander whined, slamming his hand on the table. 'I say we mount up, take him out and help Buffy ourselves. Like we always do.'

Giles took his glasses off and cleaned them. 'We cannot do that. Buffy has something right now that is keeping her sane. Willow is right. We cannot barge in and take away her one life line, especially since he has done nothing to deserve it at this time. He has been taking her out to patrol, encouraging her to regain her focus. He is protecting her. When he is no longer helping her, then we shall discuss...'

Xander cut him off and stood up, almost snarling. 'Discuss what? Discuss how she's in bed with another vampire? Discuss how he could turn and kill us at any time? How she's making the same mistakes again? This is ridiculous and you know it, Giles! That vampire can't be trusted, he isn't helping her. He'll turn on her before we have any chance to do anything. And while we're on the subject, he's been spotted killing since this all started!'

'He's been spotting attacking drug dealers and unsavoury characters. All of which have been left alive.' Oz spoke up, ever the voice of reason in the Scoobies, his mono-tone usually helpful but now only serving to fuel Xander's speech.

'No! He's still attacking humans!'

'He's been attacking scum. People like the man who attacked me.' Buffy spoke up, having silently slipped in to hear the end of Xander's tirade. 'He's not killed. He comes home to me everynight and more often than not, he comes home hungry and drinks bagged blood my mom gets for him. He sits awake every night, watching me, and calming me when I wake screaming because of what a human did to me. He comes with me on patrol, and sometimes makes me go alone. Lets me heal on my own, but always watches me in case I need him. Not crowding me. Not controlling me. Letting me set my own path. Not like you, Xander. Who would have me do everything your way, your way is always right, yeah?' She met his gaze, a single tear escaping her glistening eyes. 'You're my best friends...my family. But you can't help me like this. You can't take him away from me. He's the only one I could turn to in the last fortnight, the only one who can calm the screaming inside me. So he can't leave me.' She stopped looking to Giles and Willow for support.

Willow slipped out of her seat and moved to her best friend, pulling her in for an embrace. Buffy welcomed it willingly and silent tears followed the single that had escaped seconds before. As the hug ended, Giles approached his slayer, and she looked up at him pleadingly.

'Please don't take him from me Giles. He won't hurt me. He never could. Not now.'

Giles smiled softly and cupped her cheek, rubbing away her tears with his thumb. 'As long as he continues to protect you...we shan't deny you the help you need Buffy. But we are always here for you. No matter what.'

She nodded and turned to Xander, who stood with his fists clenched, glaring at her.

'Please Xand...you're my best friend. Please understand that he is what I need right now.'

The boy shook his head. 'I'm sorry Buffy. I can't. I know you've been hurt...but I can't sit and watch you get broken by another vampire. I can't sit by while he's still a killer and walking free.' He grabbed his bag and stormed out, not noticing the obvious flinch of the slayer as he walked past her. She stood for a second, enveloped in shock, not even noticing Cordy slip out to follow him. Willow placed a hand on her shoulder and in a flash, the blonde collapsed, hitting the floor in tears before anyone could catch her.

But before either Willow or Giles could see to her, a black clad form was at her side, his leather encased arms surrounding her, whispered words of comfort soothing her tears.

The red head stood in complete bewilderment for a few minutes before she looked at the clock.

'Spike, it's ten in the morning...how did you get here?'

'Sewers and stacks. It's how he got in last time.' Giles frowned. 'You are following her?' Spike looked up.

'Yeah, what of it?' He returned to soothing the slayer and then pulled her to her feet, allowing her to use him for complete support. 'I stay close. She can't...its still fresh. Two weeks and you can't expect this to all go away. She's going to need a lot of time to heal. And I'm not going anywhere until I know she's back to the girl that kicked my arse across town more than once.' The watcher looked taken aback for a second until something clicked and understanding dawned on him. But he kept his mouth shut, knowing that with Spike by her side, even for the wrong reasons and even if it was against everything he knew to be right...at least his slayer would be alive.

Willow placed a hand on Spike's arm. 'Maybe she isn't up to school today. Do you want me to drive her home?'

The vampire hesitated and the witch could see how much he didn't want to let Buffy go. She wondered if he knew how obvious his behaviour was. Buffy had confided in her about his slip during the week, and how they had not spoken about it since. The vampire was very much being the silent support type, listening and helping but not actually saying much anymore. He had stopped attacking muggers and the like, and instead had been drinking expired blood from the hospital, supplied by a doctor friend. Buffy knew, but hadn't voiced an opinion. Until today.

For a moment, Willow thought he was going to reject the idea of letting the slayer go with her friend. But then he sighed. 'Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea, Red.' She blushed at the affectionate nickname. 'If you could see to her...I got a few things, I'd like to discuss with the watcher. She could use a bit more times with her pals anyways.' He smiled at her and she blushed a bit more. Whatever you could say about Spike, he was definitely a charmer. Oz suddenly appeared beside Willow, offering his van for a ride and she nodded, along with Spike's agreement.

The vampire pulled Buffy up to meet his eyes and she sniffled a little as he explained she was going home for day. She protested weakly, and relented quickly, grabbing his arm before she walked away with Willow and Oz, asking him quietly if he would be home soon. He nodded and whispered something Willow did not hear, although the watcher did. Giles waited until Buffy had left with her friends before addressing the vampire.

'How long?'

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

Buffy sat in her room, wrapped in her duvet. Willow had dropped her home and stayed for a while, indulging in the need for a girly hour. She had left when her mom had returned home. Joyce had brought her tea and soup, and sensing her daughters desire to be alone, had left her to her thoughts and the trashy daytime television. She was sat with the curtains drawn, knowing her vampire would be home soon.

Her thoughts consumed her, telling her different things. She knew why Xander was against her need for Spike, but couldn't understand why he attacked her choice with such viciousness. He was her best friend, even if she had shown fear of the dark thoughts that lived within him, she knew he would never willingly hurt her. But for him to walk away, cut her deep.

_Can't really blame him if you're having warm fuzzies for a evil vampire._

'No. It isn't like that.' She whispered to the darkened room and her own darkened thoughts.

_How could you love him? He's an evil thing, soulless, he killed the man who attacked you. You can't justify the death of a human._

'He hurt me.' She felt the tears begin again and pulled the duvet tighter. No, she couldn't justify it, but she felt justice from it. A soul meant nothing. That man had a soul, yet he had done things to her...she would never forget it. Never. Spike might not have been right to kill him, but she understood it. He might not care about right or wrong, but he knew the difference. He had not killed an innocent in weeks, since he had found her. And she knew he loved her.

But how could he?

_Soulless thing. Can't love. _She shook her head. Her thoughts were conflicting. The old pieces of her, told her this constantly. But what she had been through. 'How can he love me when I'm so dirty, so sullied...filthy? I'll never get it off me. How can he love me?' She choked back a sob. 'This isn't right. I can't...'

_Weak._

'No...I'm not.' She paused. 'Might be crazy though, what with the talking to myself.'

'No, I know crazy, pet.' Spike said, as he emerged from the shadows of the hallway. 'And you are not crazy. Just a little frayed around the edges at the moment.'

She smiled at him and motioned for him to sit next to her on the bed. He shed the duster and sat beside her, allowing her to curl into his lap. She was tired, he could feel it. But he'd heard her little conversation with herself on the way up the stairs. Joyce had told him she had been in a worse state today when he got back from his talk with the librarian, and had ushered him up to see to her. He had heard her talking to herself, what she had said.

'I'm not feeling so hot for patrol tonight, Spike.' Buffy whispered, pulling the duvet tight against her. He nodded and stroked her hair, feeling her relax underneath his touch.

'That's okay pet, I can take care of it.'

'Thank you.' She said softly, squeezing his leg lightly. He shifted her slightly, scooting down the bed to pull her flush against him so she was more comfortable.

'Get some sleep pet. You won't even realise I'm gone.'

She nodded, already half way there. He had a good few hours before dark fell, so he would stay with her and watch whatever drivel she'd left playing on the tv. Her breathing evened out quickly and she was asleep before he knew it. His hand remained stroking her hair, and he kissed the top of her head, smiling against the soft blonde locks.

'You aren't dirty, sweets. Anything but. Nothing could touch you.' He sighed, rolling his eyes at the irony of the situation. 'God, if only I could make you see.'

_'She's safe with you. I know this. But what I want to know, is how in the hell did the slayer of slayers fall in love with one?'_

_'Because she...I don't know, alright watcher? I didn't wake up one morning and decide to do it. I saw her...broken...and she needed someone. Just happened to be me,'_

_Giles had stared at him for a while, before marching into his office and emerging again seconds later with a book. He had thrust the book at Spike, already open to a page. The vampire had frowned for a moment before looking down at the scribblings._

The warrior shall be broken by the very thing she protects and without the support of the very thing she kills, will no longer have her duty. The shell cannot be mended, the light cannot be brightest, without the darkness that accompanies it. And in his faith, she shall be the strongest. In her trust, he will be the champion.

_'And?' Spike said, his voice almost a whisper. 'This doesn't mean anything.'_

_Giles raised an eyebrow. 'Think of it what you will. I firmly believe that this was all destined. Buffy is by far one of the best slayers ever to grace the line. You know this. And you love her. In time, you will fight together. I've read your history Spike. You rarely devote yourself to anything. Because for you, it is forever.'_

_'I loved Dru once. Not so much anymore.' The vampire whispered. 'How do you know I won't get over this?'_

_'Because I have seen you together Spike. I am the last person, apart from Xander, to condone another vampire in my slayer's life...but you are meant for her. Made for her, if you will. You need to be the one who sees her through the other side of this. You are the only one who can be her equal now.'_

He didn't know whether to believe it or not. Giles had said he would do more research on the topic to find out if there is anything else involving his slayer. And him.

What a bloody mess this was.

****I know this isn't as long as the other chapters but I hope I conveyed the feeling I wanted to with this chapter. It's going to take a while for Xander to come around, and not before he has a run in with our certain blonde vampire. This isn't going to be an apocalypse story, although there may be some fists flying between Spike and Angel...cos it's fun :) anyways, I hope you're enjoying this one. I'm hoping to have it finished within five or so chapters. Don't want to drag it out too long. I think Buffy is getting there slowly.****


	7. Chapter 7

Author: geeks_girl_tm  
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

It had been a long month. Willow Rosenburg had seen too much in this one month. No demons, apocalypses or big scary bads to deal with...just her best friend falling apart, and another friend refusing to see what she needed. Xander had been avoiding any group time, seeing Willow on her own at home. He had not wanted to speak about Buffy at all. And Buffy herself...she had been ignoring the situation in favour of training and patrol. Willow didn't know what else to do. She had been helping Giles with researching prophecies related to the slayer and vampire but had yet to find anything.

It was horrible with the group so torn. She hated it.

But she was coming up with a plan. Might not have been the best plan...especially not for Xander, but then, who else was better to kick some sense into him than the vampire who was the cause of the boy's defection? She trusted Spike, having spent a silly amount of time with him, and seen the devotion he had for the blonde slayer as she returned to her everyday life.

The only other person causing trouble was Angel. He kept popping up every now and then, picking fights with Spike and trying to get Buffy to talk to him. She was still terrified of him, and refused to speak with him at all. And it was making the older vampire very grouchy.

Giles had been the first in Angel's line of "people to make see sense". She'd been next. The brooding king had gone on a rant about how Spike was evil, wasn't good enough, would kill us all in our sleep, blah blah blah. He had not been happy when Giles had told him this might all have been foretold, and that Spike would undoubtedly of made his move already. Being the poster child for vampire ADHD and all that. Willow had said if Angel loved Buffy he would support her, in all her choices.

No, he wasn't very happy at all.

So Willow really wasn't surprised when she turned up at the Summers' residence to find him lurking on the porch, a very sullen look on his face.

'Angel.' She nodded curtly and knocked on the door. It opened quickly to find an irate Joyce Summers, who glared at the vampire hovering on the doorstep.

'I thought I told you!' She stopped and smiled at the red head. 'Oh, hi, Willow. Come on in. Buffy is upstairs doing her homework.' Willow nodded and made her way inside. 'As for you...she doesn't want to see you and she doesn't need you. Now, kindly, leave.' She slammed the door on the vampire's protests and turned to Willow. 'He's been lurking all night. Spike went out to patrol and I'm hoping when he comes back he can get rid of him. And if it involves some face punching, I have no protest. Was he always creepy stalker guy?'

'Totally.' Willow smiled and opened her rucksack, pulling out a plastic tub. 'My mom sends cupcakes.' Joyce smiled and took them gratefully, ushering the witch up to her daughter's room. Willow thanked her and headed up to Buffy, who was sat cross legged on the bed, chewing on a pen and looking extremely annoyed. 'Hey Buff.' She said, taking a seat opposite her best friend.

'Why can't you slay Math? Why? I have to solve it instead.' The slayer sulked. The looked up at Willow and brightened for a second, before she noticed she was alone again. 'He still won't come?' She said, referring to Xander. Willow shook her head. 'I miss him. I know I was freaked out before but...' She looked down. 'I wish he didn't hate me.'

'He doesn't hate you.' Willow said, taking Buffy's hand. 'He hates Spike. He hate that he can't be what he is for you. It's just a man thing.'

'Okay. Yeah.' Buffy said, then pushed the subject away. 'How's things with Oz?'

'Oh, they're great.' Willow blushed. 'He's taking me to see a band in LA this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. There's going to be a hotel.' She blushed further if possible. 'Anyway, how are things with Spike? I'm assuming your mom hasn't been too mad about the whole, he sleeps in your room thing?'

'No. The door stays open. It's not like that. Most nights, he's my overgrown vampire pillow. It's nice...comforting. Plus, the nightmares are slowly stopping. Mom has asked me to go and see a therapist...just for a little while. She knows this woman at work, who said she knows someone who deals with the spookier side of Sunnydale and I've agreed, to get her off my back.'

'What did Spike thing about that?' Willow asked, her eyes grazing the homework in front of her.

'He said it's up to me. He says I can talk to him about anything, that I don't have to go to a shrink but he isn't going to tell me what to do.' She smiled. 'I like that. Some vampires are way too pushy.' A thud was heard from the window, followed by some swearing and Buffy giggled. 'He lurks every night. Spike is annoyed I won't let him go out there.'

'Your mom doesn't seem to happy about Angel.'

'No. I don't think she cares if Spike rips him a new one.' Buffy smiled wistfully. 'I wish Angel would see it's over. He's convinced Spike is going to kill me but he would have made a move already. He hasn't got the patience for a long drawn out plan. Plus...' She lowered her voice. 'He talks to me when he thinks I'm asleep. I've been using meditation techniques to work on my nightmares and they calm me right down. Spike thinks I've gone to sleep when I can hear everything he says. Sometimes, he's arguing with himself, telling himself stupid things. Sometimes he's talking to me, telling me the sweetest things when he thinks I can't hear.'

Willow's breath had hitched and she smiled at Buffy. 'That's so romantic. He does love you Buffy. He told Giles he thinks he always has. But he confused because of this whole prophecy thing. He doesn't want it to be forced.'

'I think I know. I don't know if I love him. I care about him...a lot. More than I think is possible. But...I don't want it to just be prophecy either. But then, the one Giles said about, didn't actually say anything about love.' She sighed. 'I'm still scared. I don't want him to go all evil. I know why he says those things when he thinks I'm asleep. But it's like a whole other Spike. Scary "grrr" Spike is still in there, but it's like there's this whole other side that he doesn't want me to know about. I think it's how he loves. Fiercely and scarily and it's all very wiggy but then it's warm and safe and...I sound like a sap right now, don't I?'

The red head laughed, and shook her head. 'You sound like a teenage girl in love.' She blushed. 'I would know.'

Buffy giggled and pulled a pillow up to herself to hug. 'So, what are we doing? Cos I'm so done with Math tonight.'

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

Xander hadn't meant to be this late home. He felt a little vulnerable, even on the brightly lit streets. Only meant the shadows were bigger and what was lurking in them...he shuddered. Best not to go down that road. Only problem was, his street was not well lit. He was standing at the edge of it now, underneath a streetlight, feeling for all the world, like a beacon with the words "eat me" written on it.

_Oh crap. Oh crap crap crap._

'Looks like you're in a spot of trouble.' The voice behind him spoke boldly, and he heard footsteps emerge from the darkness.

_Oh double crap._

The blond hair was the giveaway. His face was hidden in shadow but the hair, with the accent.

_Triple crap._

'Seems you and me need a confrontation.' Spike said, stepping into full view and Xander felt fear grip his spine. 'Got some issues need ironing out.'

The teenager took a step back, and found himself against the lampost he'd been standing under. The vampire opposite him laughed and lit up a cigarette.

'Are you gonna...er...kill me?' Xander asked, cursing himself for the shake in his voice. It only served to make Spike laugh again.

'Kill you?' Spike pondered. 'Haven't had a fresh human in weeks...all from the bag. But...as tempting as ripping out your jugular is...well, my slayer wouldn't be too happy about that now, would she?'

'_Your_ slayer?' Xander spat, anger getting the better of him. 'She's not your anything.' He gulped as Spike's expression darkened and the vampire threw the cigarette down.

'I've heard about your possessive streak. The crush you had on her. Thought you loved her. And if you did, surely you would think you'd be happy for her. She's safe. She's getting back to herself. She's...'

'She's not herself as long as you're hanging around.' The boy said, scowling at the vampire, even as he got closer.

'I'll give you this boy. You're brave. But as long as I'm around, nothing is happening to her. I'm here for keeps, and she'll live a lot longer for it.' Spike sighed. 'You just don't get it do you?'

'Get what?' Xander asked, a hint of curiousity in his tone. 'What's to get?'

'I'm her equal. She needs someone strong to lean on. She thought that was Angel. Angel isn't strong. Too much to risk to let himself go with her. Or for her to let go with him.' The blonde ran a hand through his hair, a human gesture on an inhuman creature. But at this moment, to Xander, he appeared more human than some people he knew. Was this even Spike he was talking to? 'I can't say I'm the best thing for her. But I need you to understand...without you she's one step back. One thing down. You, Willow...you're the other half of her. Not me. I'm the support, but I can only do so much. You're the daylight in her. And she needs you to stop being a prat, get the hell over yourself and go see her.' Oh, there was Spike.

Xander paused. He missed Buffy. He missed her a lot. The gang was apart and it was tearing him apart. But he couldn't let this go. Not as long as a vampire was in the way.

'I can't do it. I can't trust you. You're going to kill us all.' He said, looking Spike in the eye.

'You know...I got told about your friend. The lad you knew? The one the bitch Darla changed?' He saw Xander's eyes darken in remembrance. 'You can't tarnish us all with the same brush.'

'But Angel...'

'But Angel nothing. I don't have a soul to lose. I don't need a damn soul. Never did. Made me weak. I'm not going back to that to satisfy you lot. I'm what she needs, the equal she can stand side by side with.' His face hardened and he got closer, almost nose to nose with Xander. 'You need to realise that I'm going to keep her alive. So she can do her little meets with you and the super friends. Keep her mum going so she isn't left alone. Keep all you lot alive, god knows, even though you piss me off.'

'I can't...'

'Shut up. Stop saying what you can't and start saying what you can.' Spike grabbed Xander by the coat lapels and thrust him out of the light and into the dark. 'You need to get home. You need to stay alive. For her. And if you know what's best you'll be over there tomorrow, grovelling so you can be better by being her pal.' He snarled at the boy, feeling the hairs on his neck stand up on end. Xander jumped to his feet and scampered out of sight.

Spike watching him go and then turned, coming face to face with his sire, who immediately landed a punch on his cheek. The blonde stumbled but did not fall, and span round, kicking out at Angel as he vamped out. The fight had begun and somehow, Spike knew one of them wasn't leaving this street alive. Another blow from Angel sent him crashing onto his back, and as the older vampire lunged for him again, he kicked out, sending Angel into the lamppost and bending it. The light flashed and went out, leaving them in total darkness, save from the light further down the street.

Angel was fully vamped out, and ran for Spike, picking him and up and throwing him down heavily on his back. The blonde felt a rib break and snarled as he grabbed Angel's head and brought it smashing into his knee. Angel stumbled back, dazed, but swiped at Spike, splitting his lip with a heavy punch. Spike threw his own punch back and landed on Angel's face, knowing he was causing a black eye. Blood came away on his knuckle and trickled down Angel's face where the skin had split.

Then it was blur of movement. Kicks and punches thrown in every direction, on the floor one second and up against a wall the next, each trying to gain the upper hand. Eventually Angel used his size to overpower the younger vamp and had him on his stomach, face pressed against the floor as Spike struggled underneath him, his face reverting to human as he weakened. Angel reared back and struck, sinking his fangs into the other vampire and began to drain him.

He didn't see the foot coming towards his face, only the blackness of unconsciousness as he hit the deck. Spike looked up as he saw a hand offered to him, and he struggled upright, looking at Xander with shock on his face.

'I'm sorry.' Xander said. 'For being a jerk.'

'Thanks.' Spike stumbled and Xander held him up. The vampire looked over at his fallen opponent and sighed. Angel was coming too. He knew it would take more than a steel toe cap to the face to keep him down.

'I don't like you.' Xander said quietly. Spike looked at him sharply, thoughts churning. 'But I hate him.' Xander said, pointing at Angel. 'He's a dick. And the sooner he leaves the better.'

'I'm not going anywhere while Spike is still hanging around.' Angel said, spitting blood on the floor. 'She isn't safe.'

'Yeah I thought that too. Until he said stuff that didn't sound like Spike.' He sighed. 'I'm not smart. I'm not the sharpest Scooby. But I care if Buffy is happy. And right now she is. And she's healing.' He looked at Spike. 'And she wants you gone. She might have loved you once, but she doesn't anymore. Someone told me a smart reason for it, but it escapes me.'

'I'm not leaving her.' Angel said, getting to his feet.

'I'd rather you did.' Buffy said from behind him. 'You've been nothing but a pain these last few weeks.'

All three men turned in her direction, looking at her and seeing the best thing any of them had seen in weeks. She stood there, her hands folded across her chest, a determined look on her face. She was all Buffy, all Slayer again and Spike smiled, in spite of his injuries. Xander grinned and walked to her, embracing her.

'Hey Buff. Missed you.' He said, hugging her tight.

'Missed you too, Xand. And nice move with the boot to the face.' She said and the boy blushed, moving away. She looked between Angel and Spike, before her gaze settled on the brunette. 'Angel. I love you. I always will.' He smiled, almost in triumph as she moved towards him. 'But we're over. There is too much risk involved. I've heard everything said tonight. I've been with Spike for the last month, listening to his thoughts and his advice. I've not gone wrong. But I know we can't be together. The love I had for you was innocent, and dangerous. I'm not innocent anymore and I'm not blind to the evils in the world. This whole thing has involved a lot of soul searching. And to be honest, Spike doesn't need one.' She turned shining eyes to the blonde vampire. 'I'm not in love with him. Not yet. But he means a whole lot to me right now. He's going to be the one to stand by me. I don't think you can have that place anymore.' Angel made to argue. 'You need to leave. Go do your redemption thing elsewhere. I'm not it, Angel. I'm not the grand prize at the end of your fight.'

She turned away, seemingly done, as she approached Spike. 'And you...my knight in evil armour.' She lowered her voice. 'I've heard you every night. Saying the things you're too scared to say when I'm awake.' She smiled. 'Like I said, I don't love you. Not yet. But I've seen the ways it could be. The way I'm hoping it will be. I know it won't be easy. Never is.' She reached up and wiped away blood that was trickling down his forehead. 'But we're going to face it together.' She raised her voice. 'All of us, Scoobies, everyone. We're going to stand against it. And I'm going hope that we will get through.' Spike was staring in wonder as she leant her forehead against hers. 'And I'm going to hope I fall as deeply as you have for me.'

She turned to Xander. 'Willow is at mine. Wanna come back for movies and popcorn, mom made?' The teen brightened at this and all three turned to Angel...who had disappeared.

'Another sneaky exit.' Xander muttered.

Spike snorted. 'He likes drama too much.' Buffy giggled and clasped his hand in hers. He looked at their interlinked fingers and back up to her face and smiled tentatively.

'From here on out...just us and the Scoobs, right?' She whispered.

'From here on out, pet.'

****This chapter went differently than I thought. I thought it was going to take longer but then my fingers started working and BAM!...er...yeah. Probably will do an epilogue just to finish it off. I'm not sure if I rushed it. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.****


	8. Chapter 8

Author: geeks_girl_tm  
Summary: Helplessness is the worst of all emotions and sometimes the people we least expect see us through the most difficult obstacles we can face. Season Three, response to Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse. Challenge guidelines at end of fic. This is my first challenge so bear with me.  
Rating: NC-17 (This chapter for definite)  
Warnings: Violence, language, sexual content  
Disclaimer: Joss is our God, who brought us seven happy years of televised gold. It is our honour to carry on out of love, not profit. All the characters are entirely his.

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

6 Months Later:

It had been a hell of a year. And now summer was setting in, along with the boredom of no demons to slay. The few months of relative peace until the next Big Bad reared it's head. Buffy couldn't help but wonder what would happen this time round.

College was an exciting prospect. A dorm room, her own life to lead, not mention, no mom moaning about a certain peroxide vampire staying over all the time...no more keeping the door open. She'd managed to get a single room, so she didn't have to worry about a room-mate questioning her boyfriend's odd habits. Which would have been awkward.

It was amazing how things had changed since that night. The Mayor, other crazy slayers, Angel leaving. It was a strange year to say the least. She'd gone from one perspective to the other but hadn't looked back. Spike had stood by her through everything, changed for just the simple thought of holding her at night. The night she'd finally told him, the night she'd confessed she was as crazy about him as he was about her, she'd never seen a man so happy. He spoilt her rotten aswell, buying her things and taking her out, trying to give her the normal she sometimes missed. But she didn't want normal. Not now.

Normal would leave her without him. Without her watcher. Without her best friends, and she couldn't go without any of them. She wouldn't carry on. It didn't matter what the Hellmouth threw at her, she wouldn't relent. Not with them by her side. Spike had shown her the value of everything, life and the universe as they knew it. They would always find a way.

With a sigh, she staked the fledgling struggling out of its grave and then yawned, coughing when she accidentally inhaled some vampire dust. She found it odd that Spike hadn't trailed her tonight, even if it was her "alone time patrol night". He insisted she took those, to be by herself for a while, yet she knew he followed her. He'd always be there, waiting in the darkness for when she needed him. It was cute, albeit slightly creepy.

But it was late, and she didn't think she'd be finding any more creatures out there tonight, so she turned on her heel and headed Revello Drive. The lights were off when she got home and it didn't worry her. Her mom was out of town and Spike was probably lurking around somewhere, more than likely at Willy's gambling again. Not a habit of hers she loved but she vowed long ago not to try and change his ways. He'd not killed in months, she was amazed by that fact alone so she wasn't going to begrudge him a little gambling action now and then.

She was shocked when she opened the front and stepped inside.

O-V-E-R-C-O-M-E

The first thing she saw was the rose petals on the floor and the soft path of candles leading up the stairs. Then she saw the sweets. The cherry lips you get in Haribo, spread amongst the petals and she smiled softly, following the path up to the landing. There, a single rose and a small box lay, and she picked them up, opening the box to find a beautiful silver bracelet inside. Buffy smiled again and slipped the bracelet on, looking down to find the path of candles continued to the bedroom. She opened the door slowly, revealing her room, lit by the soft glow of at least a hundred candles and the bed, with satin sheets. She gasped and looked around, searching for the culprit.

He couldn't sneak up on her, and she knew he was behind her by the tingles in her neck. She turned into his embrace and smiled up at him, as he looked down at her. He hadn't bothered slicking his hair back today and was displaying what she affectionately called his "bed hair". He brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and smirked.

'What's the occasion?' She asked, indicating the bracelet on her wrist.

'You, pet. Just you.' He smiled and leant in for a kiss, his fingers rubbing small patterns on her back. She pulled away and smiled, as he looked down at her, his eyes crystal blue pools of expression. 'I love you.' He said and she smiled again.

'Can I ask you something?' She said, and he nodded. She motioned to the candy kisses on the ground. 'What's with the candy? I know I like those but...'

'Cos I kiss the ground you bloody walk on, Goldilocks.' He smiled and swept her off her feet, carrying her towards the bed. If she had been a 15th century maiden, she would have swooned at the line but she opted for the modern Californian girl approach instead.

'That is so cheesy.' He laid her on the bed, the trademark smirk firmly in place as he took the spot beside her. 'And yet extremely sweet.'

He kissed her then, a bone melting kiss that left her breathless. His hand wandered and divested her of her shirt, but her hands were as impatient as his, her body desperate for unhindered contact with his skin. He smiled into the kiss and then let go, pulling his shirt over his head. Her pants went next and his fingers teased against the soft hair on her mound, and she gasped as they connected with her clit. His jeans disappeared as quickly as hers did and he growled as her hot little hand wrapped around his cock, massaging the soft flesh. For moments they lay like that, his mouth on her breasts, making her emit small cries of pleasure as his fingers worked to bring her to a crest. She moaned as she came and he flipped them, his cock nudging at the entrance to her body. She looked up at him as he slowly pushed into her, agonisingly smooth movements making her whimper with need until he was fully sheathed inside her.

They moved together over the satin sheets, her hands moving over his back and his hand creeping between them to bring her to the edge once more. The rhythm continued, a fine sheen of sweat covering her skin as his cool body collided with the furnace of her. He growled as he got closer to his peak and felt her tighten around him, her hands becoming sharper against his skin. She knew what he wanted...what he needed and she bared her neck to him as his lips parted to reveal sharp canines. He sank his teeth into her neck, taking a few mouthfuls of her powerful blood as they both fell into the abyss.

Moments later, sated and relaxed, the vampire and slayer lay together, a sheet wrapped around them, nothing but their breathing to be heard in the silent house. Buffy rolled so she was facing Spike and smiled up at him.

'Almost as good as the first time.' She whispered, tracing the planes of his face with her fingertips.

'Whenever you're ready for the second round pet, you let me know.' He smirked and she responded by grinding her hips against him, eliciting a hiss from the vampire. He growled and devoured her in a kiss, starting at her mouth and moving down to her neck, to the fresh marks on her. He would never claim her, he had never been a big believer of the whole legend. But he had marked her as his. To give her the extra protection he knew the mark carried. She had been dubious about it at first, until she had felt the pleasure associated with the bite. And boy had it caused some issues with the super friends.

But it was all in the past. They were together. She loved him and he loved her. He would keep her alive as long as he could and after that, he would honour her. Even if he had never seen this coming, someone had. He was her Champion.

And she would always be his Slayer.

T-H-E === E-N-D

****Well, I do hope you enjoyed this. I didn't think I'd end it this soon, and this chapter got written twice due to my lovely laptop and it's favourite pastime, blue screen of deathing me every hour. But nevermind. I'm glad I got this one done. Now to move on to my other fics. Please let me know what you think. I love opinions, good or bad and any help is greatly appreciated. I don't have a Beta so this is done totally on my own. The challenge guidelines are posted below. Many thanks for reading!****

Challenge 349 of Bloodshedverse:

During Helpless, before Buffy's mother is kidnapped, feeling sick and weak, Buffy is cornered in an alley by a lone human male and visciously raped. Spike discovers the rape either in progress or afterwards and kills the rapist (not knowing who the victim is.) After he is finished with the rapist, he realizes who the victim is and decides to help her. This turns into friendship and later love.

Must haves:  
Spike talking to himself about not believing in rape and Buffy overhearing him.

Buffy being afraid/not wanting to have anything to do with Xander or Angel due to the hyena incident and Angelus' threats to her and his past.

Spike knowing or figuring out what Giles has done and confronting him with the knowledge.

Buffy not wanting to help humans anymore because of what one did to her and Spike trying to convince her to keep going.

A happy, Spuffy ending with a romantic/sexy love scene (NC-17.)

Can have:  
Buffy confusion over a soulless demon helping her fight the good fight and trying to convince her to keep fighting.

Spike/Joyce friendship.

Joyce/Giles relationship.

Angel bashing.

Buffy finding out what Giles has done.

Cannot have:  
Buffy and Spike immediatly falling into bed. I want to see Buffy have time to heal.

Faith

Spike bashing (at least by Buffy.)


End file.
